Burro Hall

We spotted this vehicle parked post-Guadalupana on Broadway this morning. Handmade shrines-on-wheels like this are common in Mexico, though they seldom feature images of the pre-September-11 New York City skyline.


We probably could have found a few masses to attend, surrounding ourselves with people who believe in a divine image miraculously imprinted on a centuries-old piece of cloth, but frankly we've been doing far too much of that lately.

We've been so busy lately, we haven't even had time to make up a funny excuse for why we haven't been posting. We're just really fucking busy, okay? Just because we're gringos doesn't mean we're made of money, pendejos. We're off slaving for The Man. Start your own fucking blog if you think it's so easy.

Sorry. Kinda stressed these days. Here's some good news on the drug war front:

Hard to believe it's been a year already, but the reign of Her Highness Alejandra II, Christmas Queen of Querétaro, [at left, in green shirt] comes to an end this evening. Like most local officials, she has presumably spent her final days in office lining her pockets and cutting sweetheart deals for her relatives and financial backers. Diario de Querétaro caught up with Her Majesty as she reviewed some of the highlights of her tumultuous year in office.

"I am very happy, really happy with the work that was done this year along this year. Mainly because I was able to do many of the things I wanted, and which I couldn’t have done so well without the help of my parents, friends and all the people involved over that time.”

"I will remember this year with affection, with great appreciation, everything I learned, for the very special people I knew and I achieved.”

Short on specifics, but long on inspiration! At the end, the 18-year-old, born Alejandra Zárate, had these words of advice for her successor, 22-year-old Mónica Andrade Ortiz [at right, without hat]:

"Enjoy the most of every moment. At first it is all a bit complicated, but gets better every day. Just do not hesitate to attend each of the events they invite you to.”

Seize the invitation, people. That's the true meaning of Christmas.

[Note to the people of Querétaro, where the average December 25 temperature is about 75 degrees: That thing to the right of your new Christmas Queen is called a "snow-man," which is like an abstract sculpture of a human figure made from frozen water that falls from the sky. We don't know why they don't have legs.]

We remember watching some cable TV documentary about the heyday of Studio 54, in which some forgotten disco star of the 70s recalls how exclusive it was: “I went by there one night, and they wouldn’t let Cher in! I was like, damn…”

We thought of that today when one of the more vociferous of the immigrant-bashing groups announced today that it would no longer support Lou Dobbs because he’s not anti-immigrant enough.

Dobbs created shock waves last week when news broke about his pro-Amnesty comments on Telemundo that appear to be a departure from his prior support for existing immigration laws. ALIPAC circulated the video of the entire Lou Dobbs interview on Telemundo to over 30,000 national supporters.

"Our internal polling shows that over 70% of our supporters are upset with Mr. Dobbs's comments on Telemundo is [sic] support of legalizing illegal aliens. ALIPAC opposes any path to citizenship form of [sic] Amnesty for illegal aliens currently in the US," said Gheen. "Therefore we are dropping our support for Lou Dobbs and suspending the fan sites we have created."

We were like, damn…

Even the Draft Lou Dobbs for President site is showing him no love. Maybe he can get back his old job at Space.com.

Basketball has returned to Querétaro, and with it, our hopes for making Boston and Querétaro official sister cities!

The heartbreak that was Las Cometas has been chronicled here before. But then one day we wake up and discover Los Libertadores de Querétaro (not to be confused with lesbian icons the New York Liberty). With a 7-17 record, they're kind of the Washington Generals of Mexican basketball, but with a hell of a lot more flair. For instance, the team's athletic director lists himself on the team's roster as Arturo "EL NAZI" Sanchez, and the power forward's name is actually "Moron." The small forward’s middle name appears to be Welfare.

That last one, Number 21, [below] is one of just a couple of token gringos on the team, his full name being O'Lewis McCullough.



(Yes, this really is the official team photo of a professional basketball squad.)

What's this got to do with forging bonds between the BOS and the QRO? Well, for starters, readers in the New England area may recognize O'Lewis's half-brother.

Seems to us that, should the sister cities deal go through, anyone who has lived in both cities should be entitled to courtside season tickets to both teams. Also, five words: exhibition game at Arena Arteaga!

Apparently, Quentin Tarantino is now scripting the drug war

Drug hitmen in suits kill key witness in Mexico

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Suspected hitmen wearing dark suits shot dead a protected state witness in a Starbucks cafe in Mexico City on Tuesday, days after another witness was found dead.

Two assassins shot former federal policeman Edgar Enrique Bayardo several times as he sat in the busy coffee shop, the capital's prosecutor's office said. Police said both assailants escaped.

Bayardo's bodyguard was seriously injured and a customer at an adjacent table was also hurt, Mexico City district prosecutor Jaime Slomianski said.

Photos showed Bayardo's body lying on the floor surrounded by paper coffee cups.

"It was fairly full when these men in suits came in. Everyone threw themselves on the floor in fear," an eyewitness told Reuters.

Stylin'!

Once again, America can sleep easy knowing that immigrant grifters aren't pulling one over on Whitey!

Some toy drives check immigration status

In a year when more families than ever have asked for help, several programs providing Christmas gifts for needy children require at least one member of the household to be a U.S. citizen. Others ask for proof of income or rely on churches and schools to suggest recipients.

The Salvation Army and a charity affiliated with the Houston Fire Department are among those that consider immigration status, asking for birth certificates or Social Security cards for the children.

The point isn't to punish the children but to ensure that their parents are either citizens, legal immigrants or working to become legal residents, said Lorugene Young, whose Outreach Program Inc. is one of three groups that distribute toys collected by firefighters.

Of course that's not the point of the policy, it's merely the effect. But hey, poor kids probably don't want gifts at Christmastime anyway, right?

Forbes.com has an article today titled Viva Mexico! Why Americans are heading south for work, a title we like so much that we’re willing to overlook the fact that it doesn’t even bother to make the case anecdotally or statistically that Americans are heading south for work, but instead simply posits that, well, they’d be crazy not to.

As unemployment in the U.S. climbs past 10%, what does Mexico offer to Americans looking for work? For starters, Mexico offers a comprehensive health care plan for a flat fee of $250 per annum. This can be very attractive to an American family struggling with limited income and mounting medical bills, or to an individual simply unable to afford the high premiums. Although significant differences exist in the level of medical care provided in Mexico compared with the U.S., many Americans, given the current economic climate, see it as a worthy trade-off.

Likewise, many families are willing to settle for lower-paying jobs in Mexico because of the significantly lower cost of child care, housing and food, while entrepreneurs are willing to take business risks there amid the recession. But working in Mexico isn't easy: There is paperwork involved, not to mention language barriers and discrimination--many of the things that plague Mexicans, legal or not, in the U.S. today.

You're gonna argue with Forbes? Anyway, in case you’re keeping track, recent posts here have concerned Americans crossing into Mexico in search of work, Mexico tightening up its border with the US, Lou Dobbs gushing about how he loves Latinos, and Mexicans sending money to their unemployed relatives in the United States. We should probably stress again that we’re not making any of this up.

More gringos retiring south of the border:

A herd of 23 American bison – three males and 20 females – that were donated by the United States to Mexico have been released in a nature reserve in the northern state of Chihuahua, the Environment and Natural Resources Secretariat, or Semarnat, said.

That 1:7 male-to-female ratio is a lot like San Miguel, actually.

We were having a good old-fashioned atheistic belly laugh the other day over the fact that Texas hillbillies, in their zeal to outlaw gay marriage, accidentally made all marriages illegal - though we did at least have to concede that this would, in fact, outlaw gay marriage, so it's not like it was a total screwup or anything.

Then this morning, thanks to an eagle-eyed reader in Mazatlan, we discovered that, upon actually reading the Querétaro Penal Code, government officials there have discovered at least 150 errors, mostly grammar and misplaced words, which have the effect of making the so-called "letter of the law" somewhat difficult to follow - or, for that matter, understand. For instance, it is apparently against the law in Querétaro to carry two cellphones, meaning a man must use one phone for his wife, his other wife, and his dealer, which is just obviously crazy. (Mexican journalism being what it is, there's no attempt to explain what the law is intended to be, so maybe this isn't actually a mistake.)

Nevertheless, we're hoping that the draconian new "life begins at conception" law contains enough errors to effectively outlaw childbirth and allow foreigners to kill any noisy children loitering outside their living room windows.

From Guanabee, Five Ways to Latinize Your Turkey Leftovers, including Turkey and Roasted Poblano Enchiladas Verdes, Turkey Carnitas, Turkey Flautas, and Grilled Turkey Cuban Sandwiches. Salud!

Here's a heartwarming headline!

Mexico Tightens Border.

We were hoping this was directed at the influx of Spring Break-ers and beach resort fat-asses, but instead Mexico has decided to get serious about border security in order to protect its people from the failed state to its north - to block the flow of illegals, as it were:

The Mexican government is modernizing its ports of entry, including its biggest border crossing in Tijuana. With gates, cameras and vehicle scales, the new infrastructure is meant to curtail the flow of drug money and weapons to Mexican organized crime groups.

...President Felipe Calderon, under pressure to show progress in his offensive against drug cartels, called the measures a necessary sacrifice. Since 2008, more than 1,000 people have been slain in Tijuana, many with guns believed to have been obtained in the U.S.

"We want security," Calderon said on a recent trip to Tijuana. "This requires sacrifice and measures that permit us to stop the trafficking of weapons, drugs, drug money and criminals across this border."

(These last couple of posts seem to have originated in some alternate universe, no?)

Señor Dobbs para presidente!

Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, pondering a future in politics, is trying to wipe away his image as an enemy of Latino immigrants by positioning himself as a champion of that fast-growing ethnic bloc. ...

"Whatever you have thought of me in the past, I can tell you right now that I am one of your greatest friends and I mean for us to work together," he said in a live interview with Telemundo's Maria Celeste.

Sorry the posting has been so light (that is to say, nonexistent). The executive editor of our internet sites has been transferred over to our film and television division, and the transition has not been a smooth one. But he sent us back a few dispatches from the film set, including this image of the "producer's quarters" on location.


With perks like this, is easy to see why he's willing to work so cheap. The production then moved north to Howe Caverns, which they deemed the perfect setting (if you exclude the glass-bottomed boats) to stage the burial and resurrection of Christ.

It was also the perfect setting for an evil dwarf to run amok in the video for Savatage's "Hall of the Mountain King."

Anyway, we should be back to our regular information overload in a few days. Thanks for your patience.

Occasionally we mount an expedition from the island of Manhattan to the mainland United States - this week, we're somewhere in the middle of the 95% of New York State's landmass in which 5% of the population resides - which gives us a chance to see some of the thing you don't often find in the big city. For instance, tonight we've been kicking back at the Holiday Inn Express with a couple of 12-packs of Miller High Life (because that's the way we roll, motherfuckers). Outside the greater metropolitan area his time of year, they come in special camouflage colors:


If you can't see them, they're right behind the words "16 oz" magically floating above the table top. It seems to us that the only conceivable reason for creating an autumn-camo beer can is to more easily facilitate the mixing of alcohol and firearms during hunting season. This is just one of the many reasons we don't leave the city limits very often.