Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Empire Falls

Looks like Laura may not be the most famous woman from Ely much longer...

A POPULAR pink-haired hippy raver who lives in a Fordham pub entered the Big Brother house this week.

Cleaner Tracey Barnard, 36, lives in The Chequers, Fordham and works in Ely.

Big Brother is the most popular thing in Britain, of course - bigger than the Beatles and, before them, Shakespeare. And it's easy to see why:

Passive, party-loving and peace-loving Tracey says, "I go out havin' it every weekend in a field, get on it, get in the stack and buzz like!" She adds, "I like people to be happy - I don't do anger, it's not in my world."

Tracey also feels strongly about humans killing the planet and is passionate about keeping the monarchy.

I have no idea what that means, but it sounds terribly obscene, which is why I figured this was a hoax perpetrated on the usually-astute folks at the Ely Standard. But then Tracey goes on to articulate every Ely schoolgirl's dream:

Tracey has said that in five years' time she'd simply like to be in a shed with running water and an unblocked toilet.

She's the real deal, alright. Who is the lucky American who'll marry her?

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