Friday, June 15, 2007

The Loopiness of the Long Distance Runner

I'm sure I've gloated in the past about my newly rediscovered ability to run. It's just exercise now, not a sport, but one of the first things you notice as you're trudging around Queretaro is that there's no one else trudging around Queretaro. People don't exactly treat you like an escaped circus freak, but no one's thinking, "Gee, that sure is something I'd like to do." Plus, for reasons I'm unable to fathom, guys in Queretaro just don't wear shorts in public. Running's a very solitary pastime down there.

Since I've been in New York I've been running as much as possible in Central Park, which, regardless of the hour, is full of other people doing exactly the same thing. And, oh my God, it's like I've tasted blood or something! I spend all my time chasing people down, not just to pass them, but to break them psychologically. I'll get right up behind them and just sit off their left shoulder for a while, letting them break the wind, before brushing by them at the bottom of a hill and turning on the juice. If two people are running together as a pair, I'll pass in between them.

"Excuse me, Ma'am? Ma'am? Hi. Can I ask you a question? Do these shorts make my ass look fast? What? I can't hear you...you're falling too far behind!"

These are not scholarship athletes we're talking about, but housewives trying to drop the weight that ruined their first marriage, and guys who consider themselves in good shape "for their age." No matter - I'll add a mile to my route if I think it might let me mow a few more of them down. Yesterday the Hunter College women's track team passed me on either side like I was moving in reverse, but I literally ran a circle around a gray-haired gentleman with a slight spinal curvature.

I should be back in Queretaro in about three days. It could be ugly.

13 comments:

Josh said...

Run, Forrest! Run!

Burro Hall said...

Are you the Messiah?

Josh said...

According to the Lynn Daily Item's Gary Leavitt, yes indeed.

Anonymous said...

I hate to rain on your parade, old man. But after you get done making muscles in the mirror, why don't you just google "Gaspee Days race June 9 2007" Hold your breath. Then go down to "cool running recent race results. Find results of said race. Scroll down to # 61. That's right. That's me.

We should run together soon, and see who will be looking at whose ass. And then ascertain who is enjoying it more by which I mean whose ass is fitter. By which I mean mine.
I know it would have been safer not to include the last paragraph, but I was curious to see what you could do with it.

Anonymous said...

OK, you've suffered long enough. next, scroll down to #192. You see, Frank, you're not the only fat, out-of-shape 40 year-old BC grad capable of philosophical thought.

Josh said...

Yow, the Eagles coming out of the woodwork to hate on Frank. For some Division III Bates College flavor, check out finisher #58 in the 2006 KBIA Day at the Beach 5K, at http://www.coolrunning.com/results/06/me/Jul9_15thAn_set1.shtml
Boo yaa

Burro Hall said...

Google:

Your search - "Gaspee Days race June 9 2007" - did not match any documents.

You think I'm dumb enough to hold my breath?

Still, if I had a nickel for every time Franker has asked me whatI could do with his ass...

Cara said...

Hey Frank and Josh, wasn't #2 in this race http://www.coolrunning.com/results/07/ma/Apr29_RingAr_set1.shtml

your OLD coach at Swampscott High School?

His ass looked mighty fine!

cara said...

Hey, the link does not show up! Anyway, check out the Ring Around The Neck 5 miler on April 29, 2007 on Cool Runnings.

Burro Hall said...

That can't be our WF - this guys is like 49 years old. Must be WF Newhall II.

Anonymous said...

Der dum dum,

Perhaps you should be less of a monkey and think outside your little self. I clearly typed " Gaspee..." as air quotes, as if I were talking in front of you and being witty and urbane. Don't avoid this life lesson a second longer, and prepare to be awestruck.

Burro Hall said...

Wow! You ran for 20 minutes without stopping? And beat all the girls but nine? You've still got it, amigo...

Anonymous said...

That's what I'm saying