Monday, August 27, 2007

CSI: Caribou

I've never understood exactly how this happened, but some years ago word spread through the lunatic fringe underground that if you have a machine in your head, a CIA satellite over your house, or an important message from Jesus that your dog has delivered to you telepathically, you should call me. Leaving the country hasn't made it stop. This from my voicemail Saturday night:

Hi. I'm watching CBS, that mystery show Saturday night. That woman. Is. Not. Guilty. God knows it in Jesus's name, God bless. Bye bye. [Long pause.]

She is not guilty. [Long pause.] She believed in God and God knows she didn’t do it. God bless. Bye. [Unintelligible.] If you want to call me my cell is XXX-8933. My name is Eric Lxxxxxx. I'm a secret agent. People up here in Caribou, Maine - there’s crooked cops up here, there’s four murders - you want to talk about unsolved mysteries? I'm able. I got all the labels and everything. I could blackmail the [unintelligible] killed Ricky Lovey. How do you shoot yourself twice in the head?

Call me will you? I dare. Bye. God bless

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should wait until he double dog dares you before you call (God told me so)

Burro Hall said...

I'm letting the perro handle the callback.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but do you vet them first, like checking whether they're wearing their aluminum foil hats?

Anonymous said...

Maybe it was Louis Rove calling. Btw, there's a guy in Mexico Lite who did some time for killing a guy in Pozos twice. Kid you not.