Saturday, August 11, 2007

God's Up...Why Aren't You?

We wish this picture were a little better, but we had to fire our staff photographer recently after she asked for a raise. We're sorry, but what the hell is a 13-year-old going to do with $2 a day? Here's what: spend it on drugs. Anyway, down here driving around blaring a repetitive message from a huge loudspeaker on your roof is still considered an effective form of advertising. Usually, the speaker is old and tinny, and cranked to such a volume that the words are distorted beyond recognition, and accompanied by an overpowering musical backing track. Add to this the Doppler effect, and you've got yourself several minutes of sustained, atonal white noise.

This geek here, who volunteers his services with the church down the block, hasn't let his lack of an automobile keep him out of the ad game, no sir. He built this contraption himself, with a tape recorder on one hip and battery pack on the other, and outfitted it with flashing lights (so airplanes won't hit it) and reflectors on his arms and legs (so that cars won't hit him - apparently he believes that the only way a car would mow him down would be accidentally). We took this picture last night as he inched his way up our street, his low speed reducing the Doppler effect enough that we could make out the words "church," "Virgin" and "six o'clock in the morning." Oh, goody.

Sure enough, at 5:58 this morning, Jackass Boy is plodding past our windows, lights a-flashing, while an emphysemic priest rasps about 500 Hail Marys into his homemade noise machine. They were accompanied by about a dozen of the Faithful - a group small enough that, even if he were speaking in an unamplified stage whisper, they all could have heard him just fine. But then, that wouldn't have been obnoxious enough to please the Lord, would it?

This sign sits in our neighbors' window, and variations of it can be found throughout the city. Basically, it says "We're Catholics, so sit your Protestant-evangelizin', Jehovah-witnessin' ass down and shut the fuck up." ¡¡Dejenos En Paz!! "Leave us in peace!!"

Yes, for the love of God, leave the Catholics in peace! You know, the Jehovahs' flagship publication may be called Awake!, but we seem to recall them being a pretty quiet bunch, at least before sunrise.

1 comment:

Chileno said...

Yeah, man. Those Jehovah's witnesses really have a stranglehold on Mexico. Poor Catholics!