Wednesday, August 15, 2007

When You Assume...

Another day, another 5:30AM round of concussive fireworks and pealing church bells! This usually happens on the 15th of the month - it's payday, and the priests, flush with cash, get the chalice and ciborium out of hock, spend what's left on tequila and, after a bottle and a half or so, start chasing the alter boys. The terrified waifs ring the bells like crazy hoping someone will come save them. But that sad tableau usually doesn't happen until late in the afternoon, and there was also an out-of-tune brass band playing this morning, so it occurs to us that it must be some saint's day. Unlike everyone else in town, this is the sort of thing we have to look up on the inernet.

And wouldn't you know it, today, aside from being payday, is the Feast of the Assumption, the day Mary ascended bodily into Heaven, an event that presumably startled the crap out of her. It must be somewhat awkward lugging your body around with you in Heaven, since just about everyone else leaves their's behind. But then I suppose that anyone who stuck by the "pregnant virgin" story her whole life doesn't really embarrass easily.

Anyway, we bring this to you just in case no one from your local parish cared enough to wake you at 5:30AM to share the Good News. You may now return to your spiritually-bereft (albeit well-rested), Earthbound lives.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't we have pointed out that the virgin, hovering above the aisles of WalMart, by the way, is the one and only Angelina Jolie, and the angelitos are the babes she has adopted in various corners of the world? The oil painting, which surfaced at a Miami Art Fair a while ago, has been a big internet hit, thus demonstating the abysmal level of art appreciation in our time.

Burro Hall said...

"We" thought that was obvious. (Though for a moment we let ourselves believe that Jesus had a Vietnamese half-brother.)

Anonymous said...

Jesus or Jesus?

Burro Hall said...

Jesus.

Anonymous said...

Because if Jesus had a Vietnamese half-brother, it probably would be a potbelly pig. But I gues you're talking about Jesus.