Saturday, September 29, 2007

Homeland Insecurity

At the risk of provoking a tax audit, can I just take a minute here to say fuck the Department of Homeland Security? We have a friend coming to visit us from the UK - remember them, our principal ally in the Global War on Terror? - but because there aren't a lot of Edinburgh-Querétaro nonstops, she's had to touch down briefly in that festering colony of rodeo clowns known as Texas. Just changin' planes and passin' through, never setting foot outside the airport...what could possibly go wrong?

Unfortunately, our friend has seen a good bit of the world, including some places we're all supposed to be pants-crappingly scared of: one of them even belongs to something called the Axis of Evil, whatever that is. So the vigilant hawks at Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE!), fearful that she might be planning a sarin gas attack on the duty free shop, decided to interrogate her at length, causing her to miss the only flight to Querétaro. We've managed to get her on another flight to another city, a mere five hours round-trip drive from here. We'll be heading out shortly in order to beat the approaching tropical storm, which appears to be heading in the same direction we are.

Major pain in the ass, but the alternative is that she has to spend the night in Texas. You don't do that to a friend.

Update: Boy, that drive sure goes a lot quicker with a pitcher of margaritas. Our friend arrived but, of course, her luggage did not. I seem to recall there being a rule about passengers having to accompany their checked bags, no? Well, if you happened to be flying into Mexico on Continental Flight 2184, we just want to let you know that there was an unaccompanied suitcase in your baggage hold belonging to someone suspected of being a risk to US national security. Doin' a heckuva job, ICE!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have to say that I have had no problems with the people in immigration or the security people even when I get the ssss on my boarding card. But those lazy, incompetent gits who search the bag, do not twiddle the combination lock back and steal my TSA approved lock should be kicked out of the service. Is it so difficult to relock a bag? They are just "shit for brains" people. OK that's off my chest now. No wait! Also put my clothes back as you found them idiots!