Friday, October 12, 2007

Don't Shit Where You Eat

Last week, former September 11 mayor Rudy "September 11" Giuliani went to Philly to genuflect before Joe Vento, the cranky, racist, Cheez-Whiz vendor responsible for awarding Pennsylvania's 23 electoral votes. Vento, you may recall, made some news last year when he posted an incorrectly-written sign insisting his shitty sandwiches be ordered only in English. Rudy cut right to the pander:

"Whenever I'm at Geno's, I order in English," Giuliani told a local TV reporter.

Hahahahahaha! Oh, that's rich! Anyway, while Rudy was taking a phone call from his wife, The New Republic spent a little time with Vento.

A little staff work, though, ought to have demonstrated that Vento was more than just another simple restaurateur with his mind helpfully focused on integrating non-English speaking immigrants into the modern U.S. economy. They might, for instance, have simply checked out his arm, which has a tattoo of the confederate flag. Vento says it's an homage to the old cartoon character Johnny Yuma, the rebel. He must have liked that show a lot, because he also had the flag on several of the Harley-Davidsons he keeps across the street from his restaurant.

But Vento isn't just some illiterate, wannabe-redneck purveyor of artery-clogging crap, you know. He's a man of the world.

He told a reporter that Mexicans carry disease into the U.S. because they "play and drink out of the same water."

Well, great, now the secret is out. We drink from the community wading pool all the time. Like, where do people think all this leprosy is coming from?

Given what an impecable judge of character "Ol' 9-11" is, Joe Vento will almost certainly be named as head of the Border Patrol in the Giuliani administration.

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