Thursday, October 11, 2007

Eye of the Tiger

Disgraced former presidential candidate Roberto "Speedy" Madrazo, seen here quietly slinking across the Berlin Marathon finish line to collect his belongings, has finally offered an explanation for how he came to run nine consecutive sub-three minute miles:

MEXICO CITY (AP) — A Mexican politician stripped of his first-place title in a marathon after apparently taking a shortcut said Wednesday that he never intended to complete the race and simply went to the finish line to collect his belongings.

Well then we have no further questions! Though given that Madrazo ran the marathon on a 60-degree day wearing more clothing than an eskimo, it's hard to imagine what belongings he needed to collect - mittens, perhaps? Nor does this really explain why he allowed officials to declare him the winner, initially denied any irregularities, and took ten days to respond in detail. One thing is perfectly obvious, of course:

he said the allegations of him cheating were nothing more than political attacks meant to discredit his sporting career and his as-yet-unlaunched foundation, Marathon: A Foundation for Competition.

Emphasis ours! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! While cheating in a road race originally stuck us as just tawdry, Madrazo's post-race scandal management has shown us the heart of a true champion. For running at least 16.7 miles lugging such an enormous pair of balls, Roberto Madrazo is Burro Hall's 2007 Sportsman of the Year. Felicidades!

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