Monday, October 22, 2007

Losing My Religion

The silly Jesus people up the street seem to have spent all the collection money on on powerful, car alarm-shaking fireworks, the kind that are usually accompanied by a full orchestra playing the 1812 Overture. But instead of Tchaikovsky, these are being backed by the frantic ringing of church bells and what sounds to me like that CD of chanting monks that was a hit like a decade ago. This has been going on for over an hour now. Have I mentioned that it's 5:30 AM? On Monday? I know I ask this question at least once a week, but seriously, what the fuckin' fuck?

It's nearly impossible to answer that, of course, because the Lord moves in Mysterious Ways and doesn't maintain a webpage, but it's a safe bet that at some point today one of the 5,000 statues of the Virgen de Something-or-other will be paraded from one tacky gilt sanctuary to another, while the faithful line the streets and bow their heads in violation of the Second Commandment. What I don't understand is why this isn't happening now. I mean, we're all up - can't we just get it over with?

Update: I went up to the church a little while ago, hoping to throw some rocks through the stained glass windows before I realized it doesn't have any. But, sure enough, right there on the front door is a poster announcing that fireworks would be starting at 4:30AM in honor of the "visiting" Virgen del Pueblito. (If you're trying to hide information from me, posting it prominently in a church is an excellent way to do it). I guess this is why I was the only person up yelling at the sky a five o'clock this morning.

As you can see here the Virgen is not actually a visiting person, but more like an elaborate super-accessorized Barbie doll. Clearly, they move her under the cover of darkness because you just can't walk around in broad daylight with all that bling.

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