Thursday, January 03, 2008

Speaking of Freezing Cold Temperatures...

Ah, the Iowa Caucuses! We're not making any predictions here, except one: by this time tomorrow, with their brief moment of quasi-importance behind them, tens of thousands of Jesus-besotted Hawkeye-state corn farmers will be completely forgotten by the other 300 million citizens of the republic until 2011, when we will once again pretend to give a shit about their precious ethanol subsidies. Just one more day, people.

(Okay, we'll make another one: Waterloo, IA, will be Rudy Giuliani's Waterloo.)

Since Mexican tv isn't exactly going wall-to-wall with this, we'll have to invent our own political coverage. Here, Wyclef Jean - who cannot run for president because, among other reasons, he's Haitian - contemplates the likely trajectory of a Wyclef Jean Administration.

Update, 10:15pm: The people of Iowa have now spoken, and in their infinite wisdom have decided that what the United States really needs in 2009 is an affable dunce Jesus-freak southern governor in the White House. Way to go, corn farmers - zig when the rest of the world is zagging! That said, Burro Hall hereby endorses Chuck Norris's smokin' hot wife for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.


Anonymous said...

My, what invective!

Sounds to me like Burro Hall has a bitter past with Iowa...

Jilted by a sow in the college days?

Disappointed that your governor and personal hero Mike "The Tank Helmet" Dukakis didn't carry the Iowa caucus in '88?

Do tell...

Burro Hall said...

No, I think you'll find that most people outside of Iowa feel the same way.

I'm not sure what your basis is for calling Dukakis my "personal hero" (though I imagine the last seven years would have been somewhat different had Daddy left no footsteps for young George W. to follow in), but you gotta admire the way the Hawkeye hillbillies lined up behind the unstoppable Dick Gephardt that year, eh?

[Ed. note: My anti-Iowa invective does not include the 801 Chop House, of which my memories are nothing but fond.]