Monday, January 07, 2008

The Valley of Death

The Holiday Season ended tragically for one local family today, as the entire Christ family was kidnapped in broad daylight in the center of Querétaro. According to police sources, teenage newlyweds Joseph and Mary, along with several of their friends and acquaintances, assorted seraphim and cherubim, and even a newborn infant, were taken hostage by foot soldiers for the "Zetas," the armed enforcement wing of the Gulf Cartel, bustled into a waiting truck, and were last seen driving in the direction of the state of Guanajuato. The gunmen also rounded up assorted livestock, two-by-two, herding them into a stolen pickup truck.

Suspicion initially centered on Satan, and federal police spent several crucial hours attempting to locate the suspect for questioning, only to find that he had, in fact, been beheaded over a week ago.

Sources confirm that the kidnappers have made no attempt to contact authorities regarding ransom or other demands, a sign officials say is worrying. One source close to the investigation tells Burro Hall that in similar cases, when no demands have been made within 24 hours, the victims bodies have generally turned up on the side of the highway bound with duct tape and showing signs of torture.

1 comment:

'Eddie Willers' said...

A little less comedy for such a serious subject - please!

Two days ago, the medical director of a major hospital here, was kidnapped right in front of his house. The three kidnappers bundled him in to his own truck, bound and gagged him then took off at high speed.

At such high speed that, whilst on an open highway at 100mph, the Federales stopped the truck. For whatever reason, there was gunplay resulting in the death of two of the kidnappers.

Only when the Feds moved in on the truck to mop up did they realise the true situation. Needless to say, the driver is pleading innocence "They pressured me! I don't know nothin' about no kidnapping" etc etc.

Mexico - yajustgottaloveit!