Sunday, March 16, 2008

What a Drag It Is to See Me

This weekend I interviewed a FBI agent straight out of central casting - I have no doubt this man was actually born wearing a sharply creased blue suit. Because of the usual combination of bright lights, high humidity and a sensitive monitor, we had to go through the demeaning ritual of applying a little power and make up his face, something that most people - federal hostage negotiators in particular - seem to find slightly emasculating. This always takes longer than anyone is comfortable with, and after a few awkward moments he says, somewhat defensively, " Y'know, this is the first time I've ever worn make up."

Go ahead, tell me you didn't just come up with the same J. Edgar Hoover joke I did. The difference is, you didn't blurt it out while sitting across from the guy, and then watch it hang in the air like Michael Jordan in super slo-mo. (This simile only works if the ball bounces off the rim and breaks Jordan's nose.) You could smell the Brylcreem curdling. "Look, can we start this thing?" he asked, which I had to agree was a pretty excellent suggestion.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Will you never learn?????

M

Burro Hall said...

I wasn't very well-taught, to be honest.

radosh said...

Tell me the camera was running.

Burro Hall said...

It's not going to wind up on YouTube, which is what you're really asking.

DM said...

That is a moment to savor.

Anonymous said...

Foot-BorneIngestion

Oh Ziggy, will you ever learn? Jokes are best used for NON-law enforcement people on duty, Frank. NON. But this guy must've had no stones at all to let you live. Maybe it wasn't really the first time he wore makeup. Are you going to be interviewing TSA officials or some people like that in Providence or nearby anytime soon? Do you want protection while you're in the Big City. I could help with that. Let me know.