Monday, May 19, 2008

Area Man's Shitty Life Comes to Horrible End

On Saturday afternoon in the nearby town of Tequisquiapan, 68-year-old Feliciano Valencia went out to gather firewood to cook dinner. Since Querétaro is a city with every modern convenience imaginable, it's easy to forget that just 45 minutes away there are people who have to forage for kindling whenever they want a hot meal. But if 68 years of hardscrabble existence weren't punishment enough, Sr. Valencia, having not returned home after several hours, was found prostrate on the ground covered head to toe in africanized bees. He died a few hours later from, as the local paper exquisitely put it, "his advanced age, and the thousands of bee stings covering his body." Kinda the way Moe Syzlak quit boxing because of "politics, and getting knocked out 40 times in a row."

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