Monday, July 28, 2008

Hammer of the Gods

We suppose that every now and then, everyone needs to believe that a their government is controlled by an evil, secretive cabal bent on world domination - how else to explain one's powerlessness in the world? But what if you live in a country without Jews or Dick Cheney? Here in Mexico, we have El Yunque (The Anvil), a mysterious shadow-government that, depending on who you ask, either runs the entire show or doesn't exist at all. (Wikipedia offers about as good a summary as anyone, but the basic vibe is sort of Opus Dei meets the Trilateral Commission.)

The Yunque is supposed to be especially strong here in Querétaro, which is kind of funny since the actual, openly-elected state government is about as right-wing and Church-controlled as you're likely to find anywhere in Mexico, which doesn't leave much for a mysterious cabal to do besides holding Eyes Wide Shut-style orgies in a heavily guarded hacienda out in the valley.

But then once in a while you get something like this - Archdiocese of Querétaro spokesman Fr. José "Joey Neckties" Morales holding a press conference - apropos of absolutely nothing - to deny any links between the archdiocese and the Yunque.

"Yunque? Ain't no such thing as no Yunque - or, if there is, it ain't got nuthin' to do with the us. What? 'Body of Christ'? I don't know nuthin' about no bodies, capice? Hey - you wearin' a wire?" (At this point Sonny and Red, the deputy spokesmen for the archdiocese, called an end to the press conference by smashing the photographer's camera on the floor and tossing a couple of 500 peso notes on the pieces.)

So of course now we're more convinced than ever that the Yunque not only exists, but means to do us all a great deal of harm. We're just laying all this out here so that, if this site ever goes quiet for a few days without explanation, you know where to begin making inquiries.

In the meantime, here a video purporting to be a Yunque initiation ceremony. Rather disappointingly, no one gets paddled.

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