Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Mexico has gone kidnap-crazy over the past several weeks, mostly stemming from the appalling kidnap and murder of 14-year-old Fernando Marti, who turned up dead after his parents paid a buttload of ransom. This has led to a bunch of hastily-enacted reforms - which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but coming as we do from a country with a lot of laws named after dead children, we'd like to warn our Mexican brethren that these usually turn out to be quite stupid.

Speaking of quite stupid:

QUERETARO, Mexico (Reuters) - Affluent Mexicans, terrified of soaring kidnapping rates, are spending thousands of dollars to implant tiny transmitters under their skin so satellites can help find them tied up in a safe house or stuffed in the trunk of a car.

... Cristina, 28, who did not want to give her last name, was implanted along with seven other members of her family last year as a "preventive measure."

"It's not like we are wealthy people, but they'll kidnap you for a watch. ... Everyone is living in fear," she said.

The state of Querétaro ranks dead last in kidnappings, with an average of one per year. Last year there were zero. Strangely, after the Fernando frenzy began, state and local police started breaking up "kidnapping rings" left and right, usually with cameras in tow. [Note to the PGR: Have you considered putting some of those non-slip flooring strips in the jailhouse men's room? Because a lot of these guys seem to have hit their faces on the bathroom sink right before their perp walk.]

Still, we should probably take this opportunity to state publicly that yr. corresps. do not have a Mexican bank account, and there's a 4000 peso limit on our ATM card. (Our neighbors, though - the ones with the yappy dog? They're rolling in it!)


Anonymous said...

I would implant a chip in Jesus. You have to admit, he's kidnappable!


Burro Hall said...

Way to go, Mom. Why not just print our address and the times we take him out for walks?

Anonymous said...

Don't tempt me!

Richard Grabman said...

C'mon...other than yourself, how many American reporters are in Queretaro, so who even wrote the story? No sources other than one person who doesn't want her last name used, and a gringa who sells chips. Frank... where's your bullshit detector?

(And don't gringos regularly implant chips in their household pets now?)

Burro Hall said...

I'm in Springfield, IL. Someone else is filing from QRO for me.

Anonymous said...

this post would have been better if it was about erik estrada.

you shouldn't tease those of us that google chips everyday.