Saturday, August 23, 2008

Shame of a Nation

Probably our favorite Olympic event here is the 1500 final of the decathlon, which always looks like Old Timer's Day at Palookaville Stadium. The 1500 is the outlier amongst the nine other sprinting/jumping/throwing events, and no one, not even the best decathlete in the world, is actually any good at it. But last night's gold medal-winning performance by American Bryan Clay was one of the most embarrassing, disgraceful things we've seen in decades. Sure, all he had to do to clinch the gold was to finish - and for the record, he could totally kick our asses in all nine other events, and probably in a fistfight as well - but to see him plod around the track, dead last by a good distance, and coming trotting across the line in 5:06...let us put this in perspective: when we were in high school, there were four girls on our team who could run the mile faster than 5:06. That's right: racing against the Swampscott High School girl's team, Clay's gold medal race would have left him in fifth place by about 150 meters. We're guessing his Wheaties box picture will have a lot of those blurry white lines they use to indicate speed.

We would refer you once again to Mexican gymnast Maricela Cantú. who after her 56th place finish, left Beijing early so she could begin training for 2012. Quixotic, sure, but unlike Clay, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

3 comments:

Krellinator said...

I'm bummed I missed it (the Decathlon). That is hilarious about his 1500 time. Go Blue!

Burro Hall said...

It was like the screwball chase scene from some John Candy movie. Disgraceful...

Anonymous said...

i think i'd be happy with 10 minutes in the 1500.

but i love the way they all pass out on the track 10 feet after the finish line. just take a little nap. totally wiped out.

funny stuff.