Friday, January 16, 2009

Be Prepared

As we mentioned yesterday, we seem to have two options for 2009: Get swept up by American troops invading Mexico; or get swept up by Mexican troops looking for American collaborators in advance of the invasion of Mexico. Well, sorry, amigos, but we're not taking this lying down. Pulling out a fat wad of greenbacks, we've contracted the services of Coelse S.A de C.V. to dig an enormous trench around our entire block, from Rio de la Loza to the intersection of Venustiano Carranza.

This trench will be filled with piranhas and ringed with an incendiary napalm-like substance, the name of which we are, on the advice of counsel, not releasing lest certain local gadflies start whining about "environmental impact statements" and the like.

Feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?

Update: The measures seem to be working:

A new U.S. Marine Corps policy is in effect restricting travel south of the border without prior approval. Officials with the U.S. Marine Corps said with the escalating violence in Mexico it's just too dangerous for Marines.

Awww, whassamatter? Mommy didn't warn you about the napalm-piranhas back at Camp Pendelton?


Joy said...

It's hard to imagine the invasion because I just passed a brand-new Le Pain Quotidien in my 'hood. If la gente can now have fresh overpriced French bread, how can they be unhappy?

Burro Hall said...

We could debate the merits of a French invasion over an American one, but I'll just say that Queretaro's new Hooter's and Applebee's cancels out any positive effect Le Pain Quotidien may have on the nation.