Thursday, March 05, 2009

Homoerotic Sporting Events and the Women Who Love Them

We've always found contact sports to be kinda....what's the Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you - Burro Hall doesn't ask, doesn't tell. Maybe it's just that we spent so much of our youth getting beat up by football players that we we felt compelled to lash back at them somehow - which we did by pointing out that they spent their afternoons dressing up in tight pants and tackling each other, after which they'd all shower together. (This generally led to more beatings or, in extreme cases, being held down a bunch of them while they pulled our Fruit-of-the-Looms up our asscrack. Which is, like, so gay.)

So the other night we went out to the lucha libre - which, traditional Mexican notions of machismo notwithstanding, is a wildly popular entertainment in which guys in tights grapple with each other. We think the men in the audience are probably vaguely aware of this, because every time a woman gets up out of her seat, a furious stream of whistles and catcalls rains down on her, which feels to us like "protesting too much." The folks in charge seem to realize this too, and so after every fall a scantily-clad ring girl is sent out into the coliseum to give the guys a chance to demonstrate their heterosexuality.

Anyway, one thing that struck us about the lucha this week was that there were a lot more women in the crowd than usual - there are usually quite a few, but this time they made up about half the audience. And they were ferociously passionate. These three young ladies in the back row hurled some of the most obscene, pornographic invective we'd ever heard in our lives.

(Incidentally, she's nursing an infant under that yellow blanket. Because it's family entertainment.)

But by the time the main event started, we figured out what was going on: we had stumbled into the Querétaro equivalent of Chippendale's. The star of the show was Marco Corleone, who fights without a mask or tights, the better to show off his magnificent, steroid-enhanced form. Marco's signature move is to wow his opponents into submission by gyrating his perfect, chiseled buttocks in their direction, at which point the ladies would all screech, squeal and swoon.

(Not that his appeal is exclusively feminine, of course. While Googling around for some better pictures than the one above, we were led to a few websites that would have embarrassed Robert Mapplethorpe. Instead, here's Marco's MySpace page. Marco's actually a gringo who used to wrestle in the WWE under the names Mark Jindrak, and before that [and somewhat hilariously in the context of this post], Sodom.)

The other three dudes in the ring went along with the act, of course, bowing before Marco's superior abs and "accidentally" pulling down his briefs a half dozen times. We suppose face-sitting is fairly common in a wrestling match, but we seemed to notice it a lot more this time. We're not sure how the men in the audience were reacting to all this, because we were overwhelmed by the feminine frenzy, which actually got a little scary at times. Even though we stuck around for the whole thing, we couldn't for the life of us remember who won, until we picked up the paper today. (Marco, por supuesto.)

    Update: It's probably worth mentioning that the evening's entertainment was sponsored by PAN, the conservative Catholic political party. They don't do a lot for women or gays, public policy-wise, but they'll happily haul out the beefcake with elections approaching.


Anonymous said...

I guess you missed the transvestite luchadores on the circuit.

Anyway, when you think about it, "machismo" seems to have more to do with contempt for women, male vanity and "male bonding" than sexism. It is kinda... you know... gay.

Burro Hall said...

Totally - I just don't think the machistas are quite aware of that.

I missed the trasvestis, but I did catch Maximo last year. He seemed more an object of ridicule than a symbol of equality, unfortunately.

Burro Hall said...

(Incidentally, I was going to title this "Nude Gay Mexican," just to steal some of your traffic.)

Anonymous said...

Ironically, (or perhaps not) that’s the most homoerotic post you’ve written.
This reader suggests that Burro Hall report future lucha libre stories Gonzo-style. (a Mexican version of Plimpton’s Paper Lion.)
We’d certainly enjoy it. But more importantly, I think Burro Hall would enjoy it... in a finally finding yourself kinda way. Of course you could still include the rambling justifications, caveats, and "protests" in those articles, too.

Burro Hall said...

Sorry to send you off to work in the morning all hot and bothered. As for the lucha, you know I'd do it (what I lack in strength, flexibility and balance, I make up for with superior reach), but my insurance policy specifically forbids it. Lousy, meddling bureaucrats.

Anonymous said...

Why do some heterosexual men engage in homoerotic sports? Because not all heterosexual men believe in the prejuidces and the rules that society tries to force upon them regarding how they should behave and how they should act to alwys prove a heterosexual identity.

There's a relatively old documentary on Greco-Roman wrestling's homoeroticism and homophobia and how heterosexual men enjoy the homoerotic aspect of it all. Or how some heterosexual bodybuilders also like receiving attention from gay/bisexual guys.