Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Our Balls Are Always - Always - Bouncing

The center of this beautiful city of full of ambulantes - wandering peddlers selling their wares. Much as we'd like to report that these wares consist mostly of traditional Mexican and indigenous handicrafts, the vast majority of the loot is whatever cheap-ass Made-in-China crapola happens to find its way to Querétaro. These folks get up pretty early, and we gave up real journalism a while ago, so without checking it out in person we'll just assume that the way it works is everyone gathers at some remote location on the outskirts of the city and waits for the trailer to pull up, and then they all load themselves down with the same junk. This would explain why certain pieces of cheap-ass, Made-in-China crapola will just appear on the scene one day, and everybody - everybody - sells the same shit until they run out, or until the next trailer comes along.

A few months ago it was these plastic turtles on wheels that you pulled along the ground on a leash. Then it was six-foot tall mylar balloons in the shape of a pencil, that you throw like a missile at your friends' heads. Things turned ominous last month when the mylar pencils were replaced by balloons with little kazoo-like attachments at the end. You blow them up and release them, and the balloon soars across the plaza making a high-pitched screeching noise. Potentially suicide-inducing, but thankfully they had a tendency to land in the trees or on top of roofs, silencing the kazoos and with the added benefit of making little children cry. We were sure that this was as annoying as the world could get.

And then came the balls. A pair of golfball-sized plastic balls (we believe these are re-purposed "anal beads," but can't prove it) attached to opposite ends of a foot-long string which, when held in the middle, causes the balls to bounce off each other: clack!-clack!-clack! Mexicans, who are physically incapable of hearing noises the rest of us might find incredibly irritating, are apparently attracted to the soothing repetitiveness of the thing. Clack-clack-clack! Clack-clack-clack! Clack-clack-clack! Like Captain Queeg on the witness stand. Clack-clack-clack! It seem like every man, woman and child in Querétaro now owns a pair of these things - especially the children! Oh, kids love 'em! Can't get enough of the clack-clack-clack! Could play with them for hours! Did we mention we live right across the street from an elementary school? Clack-clack-clack! Clack-clack-clack! The school does two shifts a day, actually, so there are kids clack-clack-clack!-ing outside the window from 8AM to 6PM! Clack-clack-clack! Clack-clack-clack!.

We're heading to the airport now to catch the next flight to Tianjin, China, to have a word with the the guys who run the anal bead factory there, and possibly to strangle them with their own intestines. Posting may be light for the next couple of weeks.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Would ear plugs and some Valium help?
I think you need a vacation!

M

Joy said...

I remember the giant inflatable pencil thingies. In fact, I have a photo of an annoying youth playing with one in Tlalpan:

http://joyvictory.wordpress.com/2008/07/15/a-brief-tour-of-tlalpan-mexico/

Dave said...

I detect a bit of curmudgeon showing....er, more than usual. Actually I almost laughed out loud about the inability to hear annoying noises...there's some truth there.

On the other hand, you can be grateful you're not in India where there seems to be a propensity to crank up every (underpowered, of course) amplifier to full volume being oblivious to the near-total distorsion of sound.

I agree with Anonymous...a bit of vacation...maybe a weekend in D.F.?

Burro Hall said...

The fact that you're suggesting a trip to the DF for some peace and quiet, and the fact that I'm actually considering it, should tell you everything you need to know.

Anonymous said...

"Bolsa ecologica?" asked the bagger at Milenio III, the town's posh supermarket, the other day. Aha, thought I, the green revolution has arrived. Thing is, la bolsa ecologica costs 10 pesos and is made specially in China for Walmart. The nice part is it can be used forever afterwards to store things. Like anal beads.

Krellinator said...

Still LOL at the notion of "repurposed 'anal beads.'"

mexfiles.net said...

Everything old is new again. The "anal balls" thing was hip about seven years ago, and the fad died out. At least in DF, it was Tzotzli women who seemed to have the sales concession for these things, but maybe they've lost the exclusive contract.

Joy said...

Wuz at Wal-Mart last night, and guess what I heard: clack, clack, clack.....

Burro Hall said...

Once again, Queretaro leads the way.