Monday, October 19, 2009

Where the Riled Things Are

The insane clown posse in the anti-immigration crowd has been tying themselves in knots over the past few days over the biggest, most important immigration-related issue of our times: basically, some dumb Halloween costume got pulled from some store, or something. But since then, our inbox has been burning with white-hot missives of white rage (we’re Facebook friends with the head of Americans for Legal Immigration, which should stand as a cautionary tale about accepting friend requests while drunk).

As we've been able to piece together (caught up, as we were, in the Continuing Adventures of Balloon Boy & Family), Target apparently yanked this really clever costume of an "illegal alien" which is basically a space alien in a prison uniform. This strikes us as harmlessly stupid - about as clever as one can reasonably expect from this crowd (the "illegal alien" is holding a green card, which in Non-Bizarro World means he's, um, legal), but certainly less offensive than this Mexican-looking one. And if you really, really wanted one, you could go get one anywhere except Target.

Somehow, though, a retailer's decision not to stock a specific item suddenly became "censorship," and a dire threat to our wholesome, Christian, American way of life. Yesterday morning, they swung into action!

Americans for Legal Immigration PAC's President William Gheen is offering to conduct interviews next week, while wearing the controversial illegal alien costume recently banned by Target at the request of a few pro-illegal immigrant groups.

"The illegal alien supporting groups in America are attacking free speech once again," said Gheen. "These are the same types of people that are trying to ban Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck from television. They want to control what people can see, hear, say, or even wear for Halloween in pursuit of their open borders agenda."

Gheen has ordered his costume through Amazon.com and is encouraging others to do the same to help protect the businesses that created and still distribute the costume.

Businesses that value the freedoms and protections of American citizens should be rewarded, while businesses like Target that quickly cave to radical pro-illegal alien political groups should be rebuked.

Gheen hopes this controversy will backfire on the illegal immigrant supporters, and that demand for the illegal alien costumes will rise and quickly lead to sold out inventories. The illegal alien costumes now qualify as collector items.

And it worked! A few hours later, ALIPAC announced that the costumes had sold out nationwide. This was a huge victory for the forces of freedom! Earlier that morning, the costume could not be purchased at Target. Now, they cannot be purchased anywhere! Take that, La Raza!

But freedom's just another word for how to make a buck, so Gheen, having created a scarcity of "illegal alien" costumes, planned to sell his on eBay - a get rich quick scheme that would have worked, if it wasn't for those meddling kids:

Update 2:00pm Eastern

BREAKING NEWS! Ebay, Google, and Forum Novelties Censor illegal alien costume!

"So much for free markets, free speech, or free political expression in America!" William Gheen, President of ALIPAC.

So now they'll have to sell it through some vehicle other than eBay, just like they did in Nazi Germany!

We'll keep you updated on these incredibly important developments as they happen. Unless The Man tries to censor this, too.

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