Thursday, March 11, 2010

Imagine No Possessions

We'd been meaning to write about this for a few days now, but had managed to misplace the clipping. It seems like every few years - or, more recently, every few months - the Diocese of Querétaro holds a press conference to announce that Satanic possessions are on the rise. The most recent was about a week ago (sorry, no link). As amazed as we are by the information and by the fact that such announcements are made at all, we're especially amazed at the straightforward, deadpan tone of the coverage.

"In the cases of demonic possession that are becoming increasingly common in the Diocese, the priests who perform the exorcisms are at risk of losing their lives at the hands of the forces of evil," begins the article in Noticias, before going on to quote at length the Diocese's chief exorcist, Monsignor Salvador Espinosa Medina, as he explains how turning away from Jesus can give the Devil just the opening he needs.

"The demon cannot possess the soul," the Monsignor explains, "but he can possess the body."

At no point does the assembled press corps appear to raise their hands and ask, "Excuse me, padre, but what in the holy living fuck are you talking about?"

So we'll jump on the bandwagon here and just lay out the latest statistics. The Diocese of Querétaro has, as of this writing eight (8) exorcists, who have performed roughly 30 exorcisms so far this year (the year being just 70 days old, we point out in slack-jawed amazement). Throughout the country, five exorcisms a day are performed - so, back of the envelope here: Querétaro, with less than one percent of the Mexican population, accounts for almost 10% of the Satanic possessions.

Oh, and sometimes the demon strangles the victim to death. That's how the article ends. Just like that. So we will, too.


Anonymous said...

Well, hopefully it keeps the priests from molesting children. I do have a question though. How does one tell that someone is possessed and not one of your average politicians, dumba**es, drunken gringo tourists (that's not redundant is it?), or just ordinarily addled?

That is all. I'll move along now.

Anonymous said...

maybe all those exorcisms are the real reason so many people are barfing and pooping on your streets?

Linda said...

Donations must be down. Time to bring out the boogey man and fill those seats.