Saturday, April 03, 2010

Worst. Shroud. Ever.

It was probably in poor taste to heckle a young woman in the middle of a religious procession, but we simply couldn't help ourselves. This was the worst fake Shroud of Turin we've ever seen, and we've seen quite a few fake Shrouds of Turin in recent months.

Suck-ola! Anyway, Good Friday, which is a genuine for-real holiday here, was a mixed bag of mediocrity this year. Having covered the Passion Play in conveniently-located La Cañada last year, we were hard-pressed to decide where to deploy our limited reporting resources this year. The first-ever Otomí-language presentation in Toliman seemed intriguing, but it's something of a drive, we didn't know where exactly it was being held, and our Otomí translator was let go during staff cutbacks in November. Eventually we decided on the one in Santa Maria Magdalena, because we found the backstory kind of heartwarming: basically, it's a really shitty neighborhood in Querétaro that puts on the pageant every year in the hope of getting the barrio's name in the paper for something other than alcohol-fueled domestic violence.

Suffice it to say, SMM should stick to wife-beating. Though not without its rustic charm, the Via Crucis SMM had two major strikes against it. The first was that, for reasons our correspondent was unable to decipher, Jesus was played by a lifesize statue of Jesus, rather than the more traditional live hman actor.

The much bigger problem was that the whole spectacle was narrated by the parish priest - the Archdiocese of Querétaro's official spokesman Fr. José "Joey Flowers" Morales Flores. We can totally see how he got the spokesman job. God may have "so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son," but that love is nothing compared to Fr. Morales's love of his own voice. What an unpluggable gasbag. He was just so absolutely certain that the way to improve on The Greatest Story Ever Told would be for him to pontificate at great length (and great volume) about The Meaning Of It All. After about an hour and a half, our correspondent handed in his press badge and left. Sadly, this means we can't tell you how the crucifixion of a statue of Jesus actually worked. (Nor were the local papers any help: all three failed to cover the festivities. Sorry, SMM.)

The Procession of Silence was a big hit, of course (except for the shitty Shroud). It's so rare to get three hours of silence anywhere in Mexico. (Yeah, we make a variation on that joke every year, but you laugh because you know it's true.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I kinda like the shroud. Looks like they made it in 6th grade as an art project for the parade.
Maybe they were trying to see if you could keep quiet as it went past? does laughing count as breaking silence?