Tuesday, October 26, 2010

And A Multimillionaire Bisexual Single Mother Pop Star Shall Lead Them

It seems a foregone conclusion that the Teabagger Party will have a pretty good night on Tuesday, despite having no clear ideology or agenda other than tax cuts and a shared love of dressing up like Thomas Jefferson (if not actually taking the time to understand him). Most analysts seem to be missing this, but the source of the movement's power seems obvious: a desperate sense of shame and powerlessness in the wake of America's humiliating loss to Mexico of the Fattest Country in the World title - a loss that coincided with Mrs. Obama's anti-obesity initiative. With American prestige in tatters, Sharron Angle starts to look like the messiah.

But one patriotic American (we think she's American...that whole Brit accent thing was just an affectation, right?) is taking the fight right into the belly the beast. Having decided that Americans just really couldn't get any fucking fatter if they tried, Madonna - yes, Madonna! - is gonna tear the blubber off Mexicans' asses if she has to do it with her own fingernails!

Madonna announced Monday that she has partnered with manager Guy Oseary and the founder of 24 Hour Fitness to open Hard Candy Fitness in Mexico City, the first of what she's hoping will be a global chain of high-end health clubs.

"Hard Candy Fitness will be a reflection of Madonna's point of view and will reflect her input on every detail, including music space, light and other design cues," said 24 Hour founder Mark Mastrov, whose New Evolution Ventures is working with the singer. "Madonna's touch will be everywhere."

Okay, it's admittedly not much - Mexicans who can afford "high-end health clubs" designed by celebrities are probably not the greatest source of Mexican adipose tissue - but, hell, it's more than that has-been Toby Keith has done.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think I'd rather join the Keith Richards fitness club.