Monday, November 29, 2010

Long in the Tooth

The thing about having a "geriatric" perro is that you wind up logging a lot of time at the vet's office. And while we have the utmost faith in our Mexican vet's almost shamanistic ability to accurately diagnose and successfully treat any malady without the apparent use of any medical instruments whatsoever, preventative veterinary medicine is kind of unheard of here. So one a year we splurge for a complete physical in El Norte - but in order to get to his complete physical in El Norte, the perro must first undergo a complete physical, the results of which are certified and notarized and presented to the Customs goons at Houston Airport. Thus, we have two vet-office photos, one in Mexico, one in the US, taken six days apart:

Can you tell them apart? Here's a hint: one of these visits cost 150 pesos ($12); the other cost $842 (10,514 pesos). In both photos he's merely mimicking the look on his owner's face.

But this year's twice-as-hefty-as-usual price tag is because we were finally persuaded that he needs a serious teeth-cleaning if he's to continue eating solid food in the future. The second-most-common question we get when we take him out for a walk is, "Does he bite," which amuses us to no end, because even if he did, it would take him 20 minutes to break your skin. (The most common question we get is, "Can he fuck our dog for us," which we're really only now getting used to.)

This procedure is being done today, and has to be done under general anesthesia - which means that for a few hours this afternoon we'll be invoking the 25th Amendment, and the cat will assume the duties of Lead Pet until the perro is fit to re-shoulder the burdens of his office, probably around 5PM Eastern time.

Thank you, and God bless the United States of America.


Dave said...

That's easy. I've spent probably an hour memorizing that stupid heartworm incidence map of the U.S.

I do hope you have better control of your tongue than the perro.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming the top picture is the perro...he looks SO happy! The bottom picture looks like he is about to have his teeth pulled...