Sunday, December 05, 2010


Our travel advisory for the Failed State of Arizona has been upgraded to a travel warning, in light of recent developments:

PHOENIX — Arizona used to be a knife carrier’s nightmare, with a patchwork of local laws that forced those inclined to strap Buck knives or other sharp objects to their belts to tread carefully as they moved from Phoenix (no knives except pocketknives) to Tempe (no knives at all) to Tucson (no knives on library grounds).

But that changed earlier this year when Arizona made its Legislature the sole arbiter of knife regulations. And because of loose restrictions on weapons here, Arizona is now considered a knife carrier’s dream, a place where everything from a samurai sword to a switchblade can be carried without a quibble.

If "A Knife Carrier's Dream" isn't the FSoAZ license-plate motto, it ought to be.

The travel warning will be in effect until such time that the state legislature lifts the ban on cannibalism, at which point we'll issue an all-out travel ban. But while it's obvious that entire state has gone stark raving mad, we were impressed with this one little glint of sobriety:

Sure, knife fights and knife attacks are a concern. No knife-lover would ever deny that.... But the problem is with the knife wielder, not the knife itself, the knife lobby says, sounding very much like those who advocate for gun rights.

So the FSoAZ's policy appears to be, "Once you get rid of all the Mexicans, the switchblades become harmless." We may have to concede there's a method to their madness after all.


Arizona Savages said...

Here is what happens with those knives in the failed state of Arizona. Arizona has savages who will scalp, dismember and then hang you from a bridge.

Burro Hall said...

Mexico has water parks.

DM said...

I sure you could have fit in a reference to Red Sovine's classic "Colorado Kool Aid"