Thursday, December 23, 2010

News of a Kidnapping

With most of the interns on vacation, we'll be switching to a more or less all-goofy-photos format for the rest of 2010, but we wanted to round up the latest tidbits on Jefe "Freedom's Just Another Word for Nuthing' Left to Lose" Diego, whose wife obviously had assumed he was dead and gave his suits to the Salvation Army.

So far, about the only reasonably credible piece of information to come out since he got sprung is the fact that the ransom negotiations were headed up by Jefe Diego himself. Some people just don't know how to delegate. Apparently the kidnappers wanted an Austin Powers-esque One...hundred...million...dollars! But El Jefe told 'em fuck you, 30 mil or I walk. So $30 million it was. In cash. US dollars. El Jefe just had it laying around. Other press reports are saying that he's been free since Dec 11.

Opposition politicians in Querétaro are now saying things like "How great that he's re-appeared - if he really was kidnapped, that is," while others are saying that it would be unfair of PAN to use the kidnapping to gain an advantage in the polls next year. We Americans have some experiences with right-wing politicians cashing in on their lengthy involuntary confinement, and we can tell you it's never pretty.

Meanwhile, fingers are pointing at the Ejército de Liberación Nacional as the possible kidnappers, though there doesn't appear to be any actual evidence for this. The ELN is a splinter group of the EPR, whose savage cruelty we tasted a few years ago when they deprived us of hot showers for nearly 48 hours, so we know what they're capable of. President Calderón has promised an investigation into the kidnapping, using the future tense investigaremos. We like to think that if a comparable American figure - Bob Dole, say - had been kidnapped in May that an investigation would already be underway by now.

El Universal asked their readers what questions they would like to ask Jefe Diego. "Who could have been behind your kidnapping?" finished eight places behind "Why are your eyebrows so dark and the rest of your hair so white?"


Anonymous said...

"1. José Ortiz le preguntaría ¿Por qué apareció con barba larga y con su cabello tan bien recortado? "


Can you believe question #1

What kind of pendejos would ask about his haircut and beard?

Burro Hall said...

Burro Hall doesn't reflect the national conversation, Foncho, it leads it. You know that.