Monday, December 20, 2010

'Zat You, Santa Claus?


Sadly, no - it's just "Jefe" Diego Fernandez de Cevallos, the panista power-broker douchebag who was finally freed by his captors today after seven months of personal-grooming deprivation. This brings to an end our long national nightmare of "Jefe Diego To Be Released Any Day Now, Really!" news coverage. (El Universal's chronology of the case hilariously omits their Nov 27 scoop, "Diego is Free." Plaza de Armas has been running a variation of this three times a week since September.)

Getting somewhat lost in all the coverage is the fact that Diego does in fact appear to have been targeted because he's a panista power-broker douchebag, rather than just a rich guy who could raise a tidy ransom. Over the past couple of days a previously unknown group called the Network for Global Transformation released a one, two, three part "Epilogue to a Kidnapping" that reads like a mash-up of the Unabomer Manifesto, the Port Huron Statement and the liner notes for Rage Against the Machine's second album. Fists are raised at everyone from Carlos Salinas to Pablo Escobar to the church, the army, NAFTA, poverty, violence, illiteracy and inequality, with Jefe Diego the lynchpin of it all. Though the Burro Hall Editorial Board unequivocally rejects violence and kidnapping as a means to achieve social change, we have to admit we like the cut of their jib, and find ourselves lamenting in advance the way the issues they raise will be quietly ignored as the Jefe Diego story plays out.

Unless, of course, any of the dozens of people named in the Network's second letter suddenly go missing...

    Update: Well, it only took a few hours for the PAN to adamantly deny that there was any political motive to the kidnapping. Meanwhile, there's already talk of a presidential run in 2012.

4 comments:

Conan The Librarian said...

" ... that reads like a mash-up of the Unabomer Manifesto, the Port Huron Statement and the liner notes for Rage Against the Machine's second album"

Hilarious! I managed to wade through the whole thing, and with each paragraph I read I was in awe at the sheer breadth (and depth) of it. Revolutionary diatribes like that don't come along very often.


Chuck

Burro Hall said...

And I'm of course referring to the original PHS, not the compromised second draft.

Conan The Librarian said...

Ever hear of the Seattle Seven?


Chuck (that was me)

Anonymous said...

Anybody in the mood to listen the The Eagles?