Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sábado Gigante

* Our executive editor returned to the lecture circuit this week with a scriptwriting seminar at the Jefferson Institute - which turned out to be nothing like it's portrayed in the movie. In fact, it turned out to be a classroom full of fourth graders, and if our agent ever returns our call, she's going to get an earful. The best moment of the class was when a shy girl raised her hand and asked, "how famous are you?" - to which the teacher helpfully suggested they could all Google Mr. Frank after the class was over. Presumably, the teacher has now been sacked. Burro Hall welcomes our new 10-and-under readers, eager to learn new words!

* The week in Mexican-American dining: First, Taco Bell is sued because their "beef" is only 36% beef. Then a tortilla-maker in Brooklyn falls into the machine and dies - prompting Taco Bell to announce that now their fillings are 88% beef! We'll stick to the lion tacos, thanks.

* Usually, we'd find an 18-year-old girl giving birth in the back of a pickup truck kind of depressing. But when it happens under Querétaro's beautiful, historic aqueduct, then we're all like "awwwww...."

* And here's a feel-good story about a gang in Juárez. Seriously.

* We were going to write a post about this story: Rouge Border Patrol Agent's Illegal Alien Father Arrested, but decided it would only work as an opera.

* Bishop Samuel Ruiz died this week, having lived out his last decade in Querétaro - and outlived the pope who tried to shitcan him.

* Let's check in quickly on the Failed State of Arizona! Honor killings? Check. Citizens indicted for illegally arming drug cartels? Check. Small businesses threatened? Check. 60 Minutes parachuting in to report on the state's descent into madness? Check. And it's never been more affordable.

* Meanwhile, there are 17 countries more likely than Mexico to descend into political violence by 2014. Glass half full, amigos.

* There's been an epidemic of cop-killing recently. Happens in Mexico, too.

* Terrorists are sneaking over the border! Okay, not terrorists, really, but "controversial" Muslim clerics. Okay, cleric, singular. Hiding in the trunk of a BMW driven by an American - which is exactly the way most Mexicans sneak in, too.

* Actually, wait - a terrorist did sneak into the US via Mexico. But it's okay because he's one of ours.

* Republicans demand less-effective immigration enforcement. Hopefully, they'll prevail.

* Maybe it's time to change the government's motto from "Vivir Mejor" (Live Better) to something else?

* Authorities confiscate a catapult capable of hurling 2-kilo bales of pot over the border fence into the Failed State of Arizona. People, no one smuggles pot four pounds at a time. Clearly, this thing is designed toss anchor babies. Residents of Naco, AZ, are said to have ordered a pack of wild dingoes to patrol the border.

* America rightly encourages justice reform in Mexico and elsewhere, but seems to always fuck it up somehow. (And not just in Mexico...)

* We're good at training assassins, though.

* The Name of This Book Is Talking Heads: Carlos Fuentes' Destiny and Desire narrated by a severed Mexican head, is now out in English.

* Jeniffer Aniston is adopting a Messican! Wait, no she isn't! She will be selling her new perfume here, though, so it's not a total loss. Plus, there's her annual trip to Cabo with Sandra Calzada.

* Press conference to announce an upcoming road race in Querétaro. We're not sure who the chick in the hot pants and tube top is.

* Chia seeds, the dietary secret of Mexico's most amazing runners, really aren't all that great.

* Latino Americans: gaining the weight American's don't want to.

* Video from our most recent Board of Directors meeting.


Anonymous said...

Somebody forgot to tell Obama not raid this work-place in Los Angeles. I was very upset with Obama, I used to enjoy the company of a few of the lovely hostess.

"Lt. Paul Vernon said Monday that the 88 were arrested at Club 907 on Friday on suspicion of prostitution, lewd conduct, gambling and the use of counterfeit identification."

I Must Be Crazy To Live In Mexico said...

The chick in the hot pants and tube top would be one of the Tecate girls hired to encourage all participants to stop and have a beer en route.

Conan The Librarian said...

I know this was only a typo, but I couldn't resist pointing it out, as it offers a nice contrast to the story about bikers in pink:

"*Rouge* Border Patrol Agent's Illegal Alien Father Arrested ..."


Conan The Librarian said...

Think outside the envelope.