Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sábado Gigante

* Slapfest 2011 shows no sign of abating. Though Mexico has announced it will essentially boycott the festivities, France has decided to ignore this and press on without the guest of honor. In the interest of providing a face-saving way to preserve bilateral relations, the staff of Burro Hall has sent word via our offices in Cannes that we are willing to be flown to Paris as guests of honor for a year-long state-sponsored cultural and culinary festival, with 10 percent of gross ticket sales going to the Florence Cassez Legal Defense Fund. Apparently, we sent our message during one of the 132 hours of the week in which French people do not work, but we hope to hear back from them soon.


* Much of the week here has been taken up by high-level meetings between our editorial board and officials in San Miguel de Allende in the aftermath of our 23 dollar shakedown. We can't really comment on an ongoing investigation, except to say that the directors of the Transit and Environmental departments are handling things with a thoroughness and professionalism we wish had been brought to bear on the thousands of unsolved decapitations last year. The inference in our original post that the offenders' "superiors are aware of the scam and approve of it" was regrettable, and we retract it.

* And then, across Querétaro, spontaneous pro-Burro demonstrations broke out. Tahrir Square redux!

* Given how much traffic we've had this week from "guanajuato.gob.mx/" addresses, we kinda wish this site's title banner was not a photograph of a prostitute French-kissing a donkey, and have put in a call to the Graphics Dept.

* Having paid 16 million pesos to light up the Aqueduct like a French whorehouse, the municipality of Querétaro has asked the lighting designers if the could maybe find a way to make the lights work properly.

* Wow, is there anyone in the Failed State of Arizona who's not as crooked as the Grand Canyon? (Okay, maybe the border-city mayors, who have respectfully suggested that Sheriff Paul Babeu [R-Fox News greenroom] sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. But that's about it.)

* Good neighbor that she is, FSoAZ keeps sending us her pedophile Jesus freaks. Anyone know when that border wall will be finished?

* Of course, if Mexicans want to start an underage sex-ring, the lawless climate in Houston seems pretty enticing.

* Shawna, She-Wolf of the FSoAZ, is convicted of gunning down a US citizen and his 9-year-old daughter despite her reasonable suspicion that they may have been Mexican. The Burro Hall Editorial Board does not support capital punishment, but Arizona seems pretty enthusiastic about it, so we'll just butt out.

* The difference between Mexican cows and Mexican humans is that Americans welcome Mexican cows.

* Fewer Americans were killed in Mexico last year than the year before. No word yet on the number of Mexicans killed in the US, but we've got the interns working on it. Anyone care to wager which number is higher?

* We're totally in favor of this proposal to reduce the number of Mormon missionaries in Mexico, solely on the grounds that they creep us out.

* GOP presidential hopeful Haley Barbour has a skeleton in his closet - of the José Posada variety. Sadly, he was considered a viable contender among voters lacking any memory of Boss Hogg.

* So what do nepotism hires do after their undistinguished career as Assistant Secretary of Immigration and Customs Enforcement comes to an end? Why, they open a high-price Immigration and Customs Enforcement consulting firm, of course.

* Good thing climate change is a complete hoax, or this would be worrying.

* Annals of Criminal Genius: Former border cop believes dressing as a mailman will allow him to smuggle Mexicans into the US without being questioned. As opposed to, say, dressing as a border cop.

* Burro Hall Answer Lady takes readers questions!

Q: "Are they going to let me die just because they wouldn't give me an invitation to the royal wedding?"

A: Yes.

* Mexicans: chugging the alcohol Americans won't.

* Colorful local oddball Ánimo! gets himself a new paint job. We thought this would eliminate the need for him to honk the horn and scream "ánimo!" every few seconds, but we thought wrong.

* Great. As if hummingbirds weren't annoying enough, now we have to worry that they might be Pentagon drones.

* Pamela Anderson, under the mistaken impression that she's interesting when clothed, shares her thoughts on illegal immigration.

* Our summit meeting with the MexFiles this week was canceled due to car trouble, but we'll still steal his link to this photo gallery, which we'll file under "What Multiculturalism Looks Like."

* Look who's lazy, feckless, flatulent and overweight! (Is the guy in the photo leaning against a fence, asleep?)

* Someone stole our idea for a musical, "Drug War on Ice."

* The Westminster Dog Show's Best-of-Breed Pug [Update from the perro: "that should read 'Best of the Handful of Pretty-Boy Wannabes Willing to Disgrace Their Entire Species For a Few Word of Praise from that Pompous Foof David Frei'"] is named Oscar de la Hoya.

* [Update #2 from the perro: "See?"]

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"No word yet on the number of Mexicans killed in the US, but we've got the interns working on it. Anyone care to wager which number is higher?"

****************

I want to to know the number of of illegal mexicans who are living in the U.S. Anyone care to wager which country has more illegal aliens?

Burro Hall said...

About 11.5 million.

Puro Sinaloa said...

If a mexican wants to avoid being killed in the U.S. don't, argue about which Mexican state is better.

******************

http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_17422948?source=rss

"SANTA ANA - A man accused of fatally shooting an innocent bystander outside a Santa Ana restaurant during a fight between two groups over which Mexican state is the best was behind bars today, police said.
Ivan Sanchez, 21, of Santa Ana, is accused of killing Esteban Navarrete, 35, about 10 p.m. Sunday in the parking lot of Mariscos La Ola restaurant at 1714 E. McFadden Ave., and of trying to kill Navarrete's wife and friends, said Santa Ana police Cpl. Anthony Bertagna.

Navarrete and his party were in the restaurant when an argument broke out between two groups over which state in Mexico was better, Bertagna said."

Burro Hall said...

Particularly not with a US citizen like this Sanchez guy, as they tend to be heavily armed and kinda trigger-happy.