Saturday, March 12, 2011

Sábado Gigante

* This is probably all over the front of the American papers, but just in case - there are 1,500 Mexicans living in Japan, according to the Mexican Embassy there, and 60 living in the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear meltdown zone. Presumably all five dozen of them have survived and now have Godzilla-like powers. (Machete's not looking so goddamn fictional now, is it, Arizona?) Anyway, that number is about to rise 50%, as the first wave of three dozen Mexican rescuers heads to the Land of the Rising Sun. No word yet from the Mole Men, but they're probably just tunneling through the center of the Earth rather than waiting for a flight to Narita.

* "Presumed Guilty" is back in the theaters, though this seems to change every other day. This essay (which came via the MexFiles) is an excellent discussion of why the filmmakers shouldn't have been pulling it off YouTube. We have nothing to add except for the fact that the judge who ordered it pulled from the theaters is named Blanca Lobo Domínguez, which means "White Wolf Sunday." As much as we oppose her ruling, we find it really hard not to love that name.

* Presumed guilty - A photo gallery of Mexican perp walks.

* The hometown paper had two articles last week about what selfish, self-centered people Mexican immigrants are.

* Blair River, 575-pound spokesman for Heart Attack Grill in Arizona dead at 29. Is literally everyone in Arizona a fucking idiot?

* Why, yes, everyone is! The latest super-productive FSoAZ initiative is to forge alliances with other states to nullify the rule of the Federal government. We think an excellent way to show their sincerity would be to refund the one-sixth of the money they get from Washington, since they rake in $1.19 for every $1 they pay in federal taxes. This would mean the state's death panels would be run on a volunteer basis, but tough times call for shared sacrifice.

* But thank God for that anti-immigrant crackdown! Otherwise, the New York Times might be running headlines like "Hispanics Are Surging in Arizona."

* This interview with Daniel Hernandez (author of Down and Delirious in Mexico City) reminds us that Querétaro could use, if not an English-language bookstore, maybe at least one shelf reserved for foreign books.

* Given our own deficiencies, we're reluctant to make fun of other people's English skills - but when the people in question run a bi-lingual school, we'll make an exception.

* There's not the slightest bit of evidence that Chapo Guzmán is worth a billion dollars, but the other ten Mexicans on the Forbes list are pretty solid.

* Another argument in favor of video piracy.

* It ain't as sexy as narco-porn, but it turns out that considerably more Mexicans die from boring stuff like diabetes and car crashes than from being decapitated on YouTube. Who knew?

* The Michoacán state legislature sent a rather odd letter to all other Mexican state legislatures reminding them that not all families from Michoacán are members of La Familia Michoacana, so please don't harass them.

* Memo to our friends in Wisconsin: This is how you run a teachers' strike:

* As you can see, riling up Oaxacans isn't the hardest thing in the world. But this US-sponsored mapping program does seem particularly ill-conceived.

* Given the way these fuckers drive, is anyone else astonished to learn that there have only been five Mexican drivers in the history of Formula 1 Racing?

* This 100-year-old photo of Querétaro would be going for a lot more than $9.99 if people knew you could see Burro Hall World Headquarters in it.

* If you need to learn Hñähño, but don't have time to attend classes, you can now study online.

* Likewise, if you want to read a 1605 edition of Don Quixote, but don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend, you can just click here.

* Favorite headline of the week: "Cartels Threaten Leisure." Surrender, or we'll work on our tans some more.

* Least favorite: "U.S. Agents Under the Gun in Mexico." Sam Zell really gutted that copy editing department, didn't he?

* On the other hand, we assumed the Texas-bought gun used to murder Agent Zapata, the AK Draco 7.62x39 caliber, would come to be nicknamed "The ICE Breaker" without our help, but apparently not. Anyway, you can order one online (from the FSoAZ, natch,) for just $319.95, so act now before Obama repeals the Second Amendment.

* The Pamplonada Pirotécnica in Tultepec, Mex., leaves a mere 293 people injured this year. All of them refused to leave the party to go to the hospital. Because that's how they roll in Tultepec.

* Congratulations to Cancun, the Smelliest Tourist Destination in the World. Si se puede!

* Somehow, when the world was otherwise distracted, Yanni managed to record an album of Mexican-ish music, and this album was then made available to the public. [By clicking on the video below you agree to absolve Burro Hall Enterprises, S.A., of any and all claims resulting from self-inflicted injuries or deaths.]


Anonymous said...

Report from the D.F.: “Presumed Guilty” is also on the streets now, at a cost of 10 pesos. My personal observations suggest that currently the probability is 100% of seeing at least one subway hawker selling “authentic cloned DVDs”——as they advertise them——of this film every time you board the metro.

--Margaret S.

Dave said...

Thanks for another Sabado Gigante...I'm always impressed with your efforts..

As for Wisconsin, we haven't gotten to the point of teachers' strikes, but I think the posted video would be quite instructive when it gets to that...the only logistical problem is that the police are on the same side, though someone is going to have to toss some tear gas so Fox News can film it.

Finally, I'd normally complain about a "video not being available in your country" but seeing as how my wife made me click on the Yanni link despite the warning, I was greatly relieved.

Burro Hall said...

That's a safeguard we installed as a courtesy for a few select readers, Dave. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

Psst: that link to Mexfiles...should be

A true classic from that: "...Yoshio Lee, aka “Yosio”...24...arrested before on several occasions, their father intervening to secure their release...."

Thought the guy looked Chino(Japanese, actually)

"...probability is 100% of seeing at least one subway hawker selling “authentic cloned DVDs”...

Which makes a rather-moot point of the witness trying to block showings in theatres.

Maybe he should ask the guy he put in prison about the Internets.

jd said...

White Wolf Sunday is pretty good, but as far as white-animal-female judges go, I think Venezuela still has Mexico beat:

Burro Hall said...

Former Attorney General Danny Head Of The Cow is opening an investigation into your claim, jd.