Thursday, March 10, 2011

What Not To Wear

We don't have much to add to the news that Carlos Slim, the benevolent and merciful plutocrat who provides Burro Hall's access to the internet, increased his fortune by $20 billion no-doubt-well-deserved dollars last year, except to point out that we're so old we can remember how appalled everyone was when Michael Milken pulled down half-a-billion one year.

Instead, we want to dive a little further down the Forbes list, to the 595th-Richest Man in the World (and 8th-richest in Mexico), Roberto González Barrera, whose tortilla-based fortune [Note: not a Top Gear-ish slur; he actually owns the world's largest tortilla company] gives him a net worth of about $2 billion.

And this is his toupee:

The man is worth two billion dollars, and he leaves the house every morning with this thing on his head. (And trust us, we didn't just cherry-pick a bad photo.) We're not sure what a good rug costs these days, but we're willing to bet one can be had in the low four-figures. We thought maybe having two billion in the bank (and incidentally, he also owns the bank) allows one not to care about something as trivial as one's hair - except he obviously cares enough to wear a toupee in the first place. So the only explanation is that he's a seriously unpleasant bastard, and surrounded by people too terrified to say anything but, "Hey, lookin' good, Jefe!"

Unlike with Slim, who has this website's servers by the short-and-curlies, we don't bank with Banorte or buy a lot of supermarket tortillas, so it falls upon us to be the ones to tell him: Dude, that thing looks like it fell out of a tree onto your head. If you want to give us a budget to work with, we know a couple of discreet peluquerias in Condesa that could fix you up with something nice. Call us.


mermaid gallery said...

Well Trump gets away with the worst hair in the world so this guy must figure it's trend setting or something....let's hope he reads this.....

Burro Hall said...

Of course he does. This is Burro Hall!

Anonymous said...

actually, after looking at your link of photographs of him, he might be going for the Adolf look that seems to be appreciated by the other Mexicanos in your past blogs. Perhaps this style makes everyone comfortable with one another, at least you would know right away - on sight - who is the boss in each situation.

Conan the Librarian said...

It wouldn't be quite so bad if he didn't have such an awful dye job, too.