Monday, May 30, 2011

Cinco de Burro: July 19, 2009

You can take crazy religious people out of Mexico, but apparently you can't take Mexico out of crazy religious people.

Sunday, July 19, 2009
Some Crazy Religious Shit

In the category of Events We Wish We'd Known About in Advance Because We Definitely Would Have Attended, the National Congress of Exorcists just finished up their fourth annual meeting last Friday in Cuahutitlán Izcalli, Edomex. The participants' 3500 peso fee covered room and board for the four-day conference, "coffee during breaks," and a souvenir DVD of the conference. (That last item, we're offering 3500 pesos for, in case any of our exorcist readers would be willing to part with one.) And lest you think this is some fringe-y group of superstitious weirdos, the conference's opening mass was presided over by the Archbishop of Mexico, Cardinal Norberto Rivera. (If you click that last link, you'll notice some stray bits of code showing up of the conference program. We assume that's attributable to demonic possession.)

Meanwhile, in more down-to-earth religious news, the annual Querétaro-to-Tepeyac "We Love the Virgin of Guadalupe" pilgrimage (which seems to happen about five times a year) is in full swing, despite the womens pilgrimage (they're segregated) being canceled this year due to swine flu concerns. Because Mexico's done such a great job being proactive on the flu, we can't criticize this on the merits, but it does show a tremendous lack of faith in the protective grace of La Santisima Virgen on the part of the Asociación de Peregrinas de Querétaro, doesn't it?

Of course, maybe the Virgen can't protect the peregrinas here because she's too busy showing up in shit stains north of the border. And before you send a squad of exorcists to punish us for our blasphemy, we swear to God we're not making that up. A bird - a miraculous bird! - took a miraculous shit on the side-mirror of a pickup truck belonging to Mexican-American family in Bryan, Texas, and said shit stain has miraculously taken the form a the Virgin of Guadalupe. And - predictably, rather than miraculously - hundreds of faithful are staging their own pilgrimages to Our Lady of the Blessed and Holy Bird Poop.

The Pachucas say the image is more than a coincidence especially since it happened on the 12th. The family says in Mexico, December 12 is celebrated as the day of The Virgin Guadalupe.

They've got a point. The chances of a bird shitting on your truck on the 12th is like 1-in-30! What greater proof do you need?

Don't just read the article, though. The power of Christ compels you to watch the video, which is so completely, deadly earnest that we're still not 100% convinced it isn't a joke, and which says as much about local news in Bryan, TX, as it does about Mexico.

As of this writing, the readers poll has 92% saying the Holy Shit Stain is "not a miracle." This simply means that a mere 8% of KBTX's viewers are Mexican.

3 comments:

Amiga de los Pugs said...

So did you attend the convention in 2010?

Burro Hall said...

We were there in spirit.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Charles Pergiel said...

Of course it's a miracle you blasphemous heathen, or is that godless pagan? I forget.

In any case, the link to "the conference's opening mass" goes everywhere but there. The first time I got an ad for Omaha Steaks, the 2nd time I got an ad for for Cutter & Buck, and the last time I got an ad for Dorothy Perkins, whoever she is.