Thursday, May 05, 2011

Live From the Battlefield

We arrived last night for the staff retreat in Utah after an arduous day of travel that we imagine would have been a lot easier had Mexican troops gotten their shit together and held on to this piece of territory 1848 (btw: happy 5 de Mayo, amigos. lol!!)   We covered a couple thousand miles, but none were as bad as the 30-mile stretch we spent driving across the northwest corner of the Failed State of Arizona - a place we've been badmouthing without having actually set foot in it since 2005.  Christ, it's worse than we remember it.

Really, this sounds like the kind of thing we'd make up just to be obnoxious, but you can actually feel the failure - physically - the second you cross the border because, unlike its non-failed neighbor, Nevada, the FSoAZ highway-maintenance funds apparently dried up long before Governess Brewer's face did.  We have no idea why there are so many potholes in a state so utterly devoid of life-sustaining moisture, but if the roadway erodes any further, the Parks Service could start to charge admission to look at it.  The suspension on our rental car breathed an audible sigh of relief as we eased onto the brand-new asphalt marking our entry into the non-failed state of Utah. We'd try to avoid it on the return trip (our travel warning remains in effect), but presumably the architects of the interstate highways system already thought of that, and were thwarted by geography. Fortunately, our European heritage allows us to exceed the speed limit without fear of arrest.

The majestic, utility-and-Latino-free trailer homes of NW FSoAZ.


Fnarf said...

I dunno, Mesquite, NV is pretty damn failed by my reckoning. And only time stands between St. George and failure, hastened by the lack of water to support the population that's what, tripled in the past decade? The water comes out of the tap like salty soap suds, even after being filtered three times. I have relatives there, and I fully expect hell to look like that when I get there.

Burro Hall said...

So in other words, they do have running water there? Advantage, Nevada!

Anonymous said...

So in other words, they do have running water there? Advantage, Nevada!


Don't forget the flow of legal hookers !!! Hoody Hoo !!!

Fnarf said...

St. George is in Utah, but yes, they have running water in both NV and UT, sort of. But AZ has Colorado City, just down the other road, towards the Grand Canyon. Every bit of the architectural charm of the trailers in your photo, plus they're all occupied by renegade polygamist ex-Mormons! My favorite thing about Colorado City is that they polygamists always leave their 20-bedroom houses unfinished, because AZ has a law that municipalities can't start collecting property tax until the place is finished. So there's virtually no local government. It's like paradise! Except for the part about being a tumbledown shithole (am I allowed to swear here?) in the middle of nowhere in AZ, of course.