Sunday, October 16, 2011

Crazy in Cuernavaca

Sigh.  We promised ourselves we wouldn't waste any more time on this stuff, but it turns out our ululating commenter from Baja has a blog of her own, upon which she has posted a keening jeremiad about us because... well, it's not exactly clear why. She wants it to be known that she has never read this site (though she has commented here 13 times), and that she's going to tell the world - or at least the LA Times and San Diego Union Tribune - how we are "business associates" of two people we've never met, though what business she thinks we're engaged in is not exactly clear. (She does at one point call us "bullshit promoters" - which, if the first word is meant as a noun, we may have to cop to.)

After a few paragraphs of that read like they were written first in Elvish and then run through Google Translate, she unleashes her devastating indictment (which we'll admit has kind of an enjoyable, Beat-poetic feel to it):

check out this article he writes for a travel site which was used by a Cuernavaca Hotel site for marketing purposes for a Hotel in Cuernavaca, and I wonder how much Frank was paid to write this...

Busted, Daddy-O!  Okay, we confess.  Back in the winter of 2009 we contributed a piece, remuneration-free (it was really just two pasted-together blog posts), riffing on the US State Dept.'s statistics on American deaths in Mexico, to a site called "The Truth About Mexico." Apparently, like a year and a half later, some bed & breakfast in Cuernavaca linked to it on their website. Ergo, ipso-facto and may it please the court... well, something.

But then... the Perry Mason moment!

And yet during this time period this is what was happening in Cuernavaca...

And here follow links to BBC, LA Times, and MSNBC articles about violence in Cuernavaca - two of which were written more than a year after our piece (which, as would be obvious to anyone not smoking crack, had nothing to do with Cuernavaca in the first place). Above this she copies a picture of a suspect being 'detained by Marines' in Cuernavaca from the MSNBC story, and captions it:

Oh, SNAP! Actually, crazy person, we linked to that very article earlier this year - which was the second time we'd mentioned that particular story. And we beat the BBC to the "people being hanged in Cuernavaca" story by a good four months, posting a rather graphic image that, wow, we guess you kind of missed, huh?

Actually, we know she missed it because her blog, which has been around for over five years and concerns itself almost exclusively with stories of murder and mayhem, has never before mentioned the word "Cuernavaca" until she took out her fingerpaints and wrote a post accusing us of being paid shills for the city.

The only conclusion we can draw from this is that her "blog" is in fact a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Cuernavaca Tourist Board, created at the behest of the powerful bed & breakfast lobby for the express purpose of deflecting attention away from the city's dangers by focusing on Baja California.  We won't allow our respected brand to be associated with hustlers like that, and would ask her to stop writing about us immediately, lest we be tarred by association with her money-making "bullshit-promotion" schemes.

    Update: Sorry... we just can't let go.  We should, but we can't.
    So, after making the point repeatedly, in this post and elsewhere that we, unlike her, are secretly ultra-conservative right-wing fascists (gay Nazis, in fact) who are only pretending to have liberal leanings (which, if true, should leave everyone agog at the length and breadth of the con we've been running, starting with our seventh grade social studies teacher), she ends her critique of our critique of the State Dept.'s critique of Mexico with:
    How could someone... contend that they know what's better for everyone than the U.S. State Department?
    How, indeed? Why, from Condi Rice to Abrahms, Negroponte & friends, to Kissinger, John Foster Dulles, Henry Lane Wilson, to Nicholas Trist and all the way back to Joel Poinsett - has there ever been a greater assemblage of intellectual and ideological brain power focused on doing what's good and right for Latin America than the United States Department of State? Anyone who would question their collective wisdom and authority has simply got to be a right-wing stooge.
    And with that, Clio, the Muse of History, retires to the bath with a bottle of bourbon and locks the door behind her. 
UPDATE #2: The Cuernavaca Tourist Board has apparently ordered our right-wing friend to type many words in response to this post, some of which you will recognize as being in English. We've reprinted those many words in comments.


Burro Hall said...

We won't be publishing any comments on this post, lest it turn into an intra-Baja free-for-all.

Burro Hall said...

Our fan in Baja - who never reads this site - has written what appears to be a rebuttal of sorts, which we reprint here in full, despite understanding very little of it.

Oh fuck him, and he's a liar.What I told Frank is that he should list the Union Tribune, along with the Baja Travel Blogs who are right down his alley in complete denial on his site.

I just pulled it out of the air that both he and [redacted] emailed me to disclose the identity of Fulano? I think not.

Yep, that's what I do here cover the violence because San Diego won't. Oh excuse me, just recently San Diego Red started to - but they don't tell the whole story.

I don't cover the national, I tried to when no one else was but I could not.

I commented on his site only after he kept my blog up which I asked him to take down, so he lies again to cover his fat ass.

There is nothing right wing about this - it is an effort to let people see what we are going through here, and Fat Fuck Frank said NOTHING when the Mexican people were demonstrating years ago here over the violence,extortion and kidnappings and no one in America did - no one gave a shit. It was all about vacations and condos. Well then, he couldn't could he - I mean, he just moved here very recently - he was not around. Clueless.Where were you Frank when the 19 people were slaughtered down in El Sauzal many years ago -before the drug wars Frank. Where were you Frank?

Not only have I covered the drug violence, but I have also covered authority abuses as they happen, and improvements(if any) as they happen. Let me point out it was I who was quoting Zeta Magazine and listing it as a source long before anyone else, with the exception of the LA Times, and that is a fact. People were too chicken.

I remember years ago writing about the meth epidemic and the thousands of young people strung out here. Richard chastised me, but then he shut his big fucking mouth after I gave him the link to
Victor Clarke Alfaro's studies. And even if these studies weren't there, anyone with half a brain who lived here could see what what going on. The Mexican people were talking about it - but if it were up to Frank, their concerns would never have been heard.

Burro Hall said...


Turns out, the Mexican Government hid the 2008 Report on drug abuse in Baja which made my numbers look paltry.

My comment re the State Dept. was regarding travel safety in Mexico, not Condi Rice.

But you see Fat Fuck Frank is a promotional wizard, and he's a fucking liar.

Fat Fuck Frank needs to go back to New York and fuck himself.

atta boy Frank, you just keep deluding yourself and whatever you do, don't let anyone know the conditions the Mexican people are living under and have been living under.

So this is what we know about Frank: He obviously must think Zeta Magazine, the LA Times and Insight Crime are also right wing
propaganda machines? My god almighty, what must he have thought of Nancy Conroy? Oh right, Frank wasn't around.

Oh brother, not me - Fat fuck Frank is the fool and no one buys his crap except for his confederates who promote hotels.

And he is a chicken shit for not letting me respond, of course.

I'd like to see old Frank spend a day in colonia Mariano Matamoros - he would last about ten seconds and then run like a rabbit back to his compound.

It just so happens Frank you fat fuck, that my Mexican friends and the Mexican people I know are grateful there is some acknowledgment of the reality here, they don't like people like you. But then, these people are just normal everyday people Frank, not Hotel and Condo barons.

Hey Frank, why don't you get yourself involved in doing something relevant like you know, Habitat for Humanity instead of jerking off on the typewriter ? Oh, I see, that would be just too beneath you.

Plus you're so fat a little bit of hard work and elbow grease might just kill you.


And it's been six years Frank, this blog, get it right asshole. what are you, drunk?

8:04 PM

Oh and the other thing is 99% of the time I leave the links to the Mexican News sources, anyone can click a link and read the news, all of the news and I encourage that continually - I also encourage people to read the comments from the Mexican people, what they are thinking, how they are feeling. Well, forget Fulano de Tal, that is Fulano he does not live here he lives in Ramona and he openly has called the Mexican people stupid to their faces.I don't see Frank doing that,encouraging Americans to read comments from the Mexican people, never. Why not?

I do not have the time to sit here
7-24 and translate every story other than the drug war violence, but let's face it, it is the thing that is happening here and affecting our lives and has been happening here now for years and if Frank doesn't like that, or the
Baja Travel Blogs don't like that then fuck them.

Burro Hall said...


And if Frank thinks I'm a fanatic, then he pretty much thinks the same of the Mexican reporters where the stories come from, and most of the time these reports simply are never translated into English for an English speaking audience and if Frank had his way, that's how it would be. I'd call that being a Nazi.

And who's this "we" - there's no "we" - he's not working for 60 Minutes, or the Discovery Channel or for Mother Jones or for TPM. No he is not.

He is full of hot air and he got busted, he obviously has no problem with promoting an area and telling parents of spring breakers it's OK when it is not.

Talk about a carpetbagger. And doubletalk, wow he is the master. If he has a problem with all this then for certain he should call his Attorneys and that way, you know what, everyone in the whole world will have a chance to read the emails.

And something else, I have never told people not to come down here, I have always said to listen to the State Department.

I don't think Frank would get into an RV or a combi or whatever and camp down the coast, no he would not. In fact, he'd be the first one to run and hide in his compound.

Fuck him and fuck you.

10:06 PM

One more item there "iron fist", explain to all of us, or maybe Frank can if he's sober, why it was he listed my blog on his site for months and months?

I never asked him to list my blog, I only met him through [redacted] who introduced me to him via the email.

If I were such a fanatic right wing lunatic and he is such a liberal leftie, how can he explain that? Why would he put my blog up in the first place?

Nah, don't wash.

Oddly, didn't he also list Ziggy Bombanuts who is rumored to be another invention of Linton's?

Wow, this gets better by the moment.


1:16 AM

Dorita Loca de San Miguel said...

Frank, Frank, Frank...How can you be so coldly, cruelly dismissive of such well-reasoned, intelligent commentary? You must be either a right-wing tool--or a left-wing tool, or whatever it is she says you are.

(And keep up the good work.)

Amiga del Lorax said...

BRING ON THE PUG!!!! Por fa.....

Dave said...

Why did I actually read the entire comments page? And I thought you were a prolific writer.

Sorry, I did have to snicker at the "Fat F**k Frank" epithet. Still, I'd stick with Burro Hall, it's much more becoming.

Anonymous said...

Burro, as a good Newyorker you should ignore these people with no education. It's a shame rednecks like these live in Mexico. Saludos, back to Twitter.

Don Alberto Doyle said...

I tell you, Senorita Loco, Frankie no ees fat. Unless you mean with a capital PH. Skeeny man, Frankie ees. No sheet.

You ask me if I know Franco DeBlanco? I had cocktails with heem!

Burro Hall said...

It's funny, for someone who never reads the blog, she's really hit its two most salient features: (a) The way I'm always promoting "vacations and condos," and (b) my delight in squelching the voice of the Mexican People, who'd collectively hoped to communicate with the outside world by having this blog link to Mexican news sources, but were thwarted when I went all fat-gay-Nazi on them.

Anyway, I said I wouldn't allow comments for fear everyone would start crapping on her, but she called me chicken-shit for it, so this is what happens.

Crazy Rita said...

Snicker, snicker, I haven't had this much fun reading comments since I confiscated the notes my 5th graders were passing to each other about who hates whom.

El Chico de Gordo said...

Well, if you are fat I guess that makes Angelina Jolie chunky.

BTW...I have a new condo development breaking ground in Mexicali, would you be good enough to put a few plugs in here for it? That's if you have room for it with all your other endorsements.

Charles Pergiel said...

This is all very confusing and not particularly interesting. It would be better if you two could just get down to some plain old fashioned name calling. That might at least be entertaining. And I haven't been able to figure out who the witch is. It might be entertaining to see her site. Actually, it would probably be very boring after a couple of seconds, so never mind.

Burro Hall said...

Our friend wrote in again last night, eager to clarify a few points, in the interest of furthering a reasonable dialogue...

Why did you list my blog here for months Frank? Explain that one - explain it liar.

Why are you lying about the email?

No I don't read your blog, as anyone can clearly see, a link was left on my blog ergo the rebuttal.

Typical asshole from New York, go back. Better yet, book a flight out here and I'll drop you off in colonia Mariano Matamoros and leave you there.

Pompous cocksucker. You are a chicken shit, and a fat one too. You are such a chicken shit you won't even comment on my blog, you run and hide with your little circle of dilettantes.

What? You're not going to tell your buddies about your friend Fulano the faggot Nazi?

Well Frank, you and your friends can just wrap yourselves up in your self importance, what a bunch of disgusting bourgeois, it's really disgusting. Almost as bad as the bankers, you sure smell the same - you walk the walk and talk the talk.

fuck you

Burro Hall said...

And then she checks in again this morning (though we're not convinced it's her, since it's less than 1200 words and contains no obscenities).
Oh wow you actually published it.

The problem with you and your friends Frank, you are elitists, never get your hands dirty.

You never did say why it was you listed my blog for months and lied about the email.

Well, crazy person, we listed your blog because, if someone were in the market for a compilation of murder and mayhem in Baja (though willfully whitewashing events in Cuernavaca at the behest of big money interests there), and was too lazy to read all the local Mexican papers themselves, your blog used to be a pretty good option.

Burro Hall said...

Good Lord, she just won't go away. (This time we're pretty sure it's her, though...)

You are one arrogant son of a bitch and a liar.

You never really told the truth here about anything.

You never said that months ago I requested you take may blog down, and yet you in all of your swaggering arrogance refused to do that.

Who the fuck do you think you are ?

Right Frank, now direct all your buddies over to the Fulano Forum, and don't forget to tell everyone who he really is and don't forget whatever you do to tell everyone about the email.

Your nose is so fucking long you liar.

Shove it up Richard's ass.


You are the biggest chicken shit around.You make KKKarl Rove look like an amateur.


Burro Hall said...

(Let it never be said we don't get our hands dirty around here...)

Burro Hall said...

I'm beginning to think she has no other job...


You know it's me you liar, I left my name and blogspot, but you deleted it.

But see, this is how manipulative you are.

And you are a chicken shit.


As far as information on the situation in Tijuana, Mexicali, Tecate, and Ensenada, the fact is - I'm still the best. Who would you recommend Frank? The Baja travel blogs which your friend Linton runs? San Diego Red, who do not tell the whole story? Or, maybe Borderland Beat?

I know Fulano just cannot stand it, but it is true.

And tell everyone why after I requested you take my blog down you did not.

Well what to expect from someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink .

fuck you


For the record, I said her "blogspot" was good. She called me a liar. But as for what I'd recommend, I'd recommend staying the fuck out of Baja, generally. Look at the kind of people who hang out there.

Fnarf said...

Full-on crazypants, that's what you've got there. The locution "faggot Nazi" is usually a pretty reliable sign.

With all the success you've been having with this new condo-promoting biz (which is really having an impact, even though I can't seem to see it), I think you might branch out and start invisibly promoting condos everywhere -- Serbia! East Timor! Togo! Glasgow! Think how much money your f.N. friends will give you then?

Do you think it's possible she has you confused with someone else?

Dorita Loca en San Miguel said...

Sigh...Where are the guys with nets, straightjackets, and heavy-duty tranquilizers when you need them?

Burro Hall said...

Ever get a raccoon trapped in your attic and, no matter how you try, you just can't get the foul creature out?

Oh I'm just soooo shattered.

The crazy person label !

Gee, where did that start? As I recall that started with the Baja Nomads wayyyy back when the entire bunch of them admitted they were part of or believed in the Swiftboaters. Those are your friends.

You know, you just really are not original at all.

Nononono asshole, what I said was that no one was talking about the conditions here, the focus was on condo's and hotels.

However, the fact is that you cannot cover your ass - you hyped a hotel, period. And don't try to change this around to Condi Rice, this is an entirely different situation. You are so full of shit.

Right, whatever you do you should tell people not to go to where you are. Good chance of contacting AIDS, or at least bumping into Nazi Faggots.

Well too late, the cat's outa the bag, no matter what you do or say everyone knows that Fulano is Linton Robinson, the ultimate hype bullshitter of the century. I guess he's pretty flipped out - but what's
the big deal? Everyone at the Union Trib and the Reader already knew it.


Oh I see you are still too chicken shit to put up my name or my blog. And yet, my stats show you are there constantly, why's that?

Finally, I am so glad that Linton and Whooosh are going belly up, the big promoters and developers of Baha. Ha Ha. And it will never recover down here, they're fucked.


Actually, crazy person, I haven't linked to your blog because the whole reason you showed up here flinging your poop against the walls is because I linked to your blog before. Plus, as you so brilliantly point out, if someone links to you without your permission means you endorse and promote everything they stand for, and I get the feeling that you're not entirely on board with hyping my whole fat gay Nazi condo-promoting scheme.

Finally - such language! Do you kiss the chairman of the Cuernavaca Tourist Board with that mouth, grandma?

Burro Hall said...

I can't decide at this point if this is still funny, or just becoming sad. I do know that it'll take forever to get all this poop off the walls.

Anyone who wants to take a stab at making sense of the Netanyahu reference is welcome to. We're just gonna go with "fat-gay-Jewish-Nazi" for now.


Well I'm sure you will figure something out there Frank.

From now on we will call you Neta Frank the Nazi Faggot.

Neta is short for Netanyahu.

Now you still have not explained why is was that months back when I wanted and told you to take my blog down, you refused. So, what that tells me is that you obviously didn't think it was a washed up blog, right?

That thinking only started after I screamed at you a few days back to take it down.

So you are full of hot air, just a big bullshitter.

You had my blog up here for months after I requested you take it down, so what a liar.

No I don't support your thinking or Fulano's or Linton's and for matter I do not support Richard.

Now, you support an asshole who runs Baha travel boards which are extreme right wing. But it doesn't matter, right Frank? That is what a slimeball you are.Typical east coast asshole, money first.

Actually come to think about it, you remind me a lot of Ralph Nader, who sold out to the GOP and helped ruin Gore's chances.

Oh right, they don't like Al over on those travel sites, and they believe there is no global warming.

And fuck you for downloading my picture of Jerry Brown. He'd spit in your face.



(Yeah, sorry, no idea on the Jerry Brown thing, either.)

Burro Hall said...

It's like diarrhea. You think it's over, and then...

Oh bullshit, not only that I checked the stats and you have been on my blog 173 times.

So I suppose if I make copies of my statcounter report and show all of your visits plus the download of Jerry Brown and the corgi which you made, you won't print it, will you?

Because it will show what a fucking liar you are.

Fuck you

Dave said...

I'm starting to vote for sad, but still, I admire her stamina.

Now I have to go look for pug photos to restore my mental health.

Anonymous said...

It's so sad when some people go off their meds.


Fnarf said...

Wait, you MADE A CORGI? I think that makes you a "fat gay Jewish Nazi Doctor Frankenstein"!

Charles Pergiel said...

I'm looking over the comments because I got an email full of invective, and I find a comment that I posted. Is that really mine? I don't remember writing that. Then I look at the date. October 16, 2011? Really? Well, that would explain why I don't remember making this comment.

Burro Hall said...

Yeah, my apologies. One of the interns appears to have hit the "Publish All Unpublished Comments" button, despite it being clearly marked with a post-it note saying DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON.