Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Over the past couple of years we've had occasion to push back against the idea that Middle Eastern terrorists are establishing bases in Mexico.  This has been pimped by such intellectual luminaries as Mike Huckabee, Rep. Sue Myrick, the Heritage Foundation, unnamed "former intelligence agents," and the Failed State of Arizona's Tuscon Police Dept., which issued a fantastic memo [pdf] explaining how any Latino with a machine gun tattoo should be considered Hezbollah.

A lot of this "Mexbollah" stuff seems to hang on a July 2010 Kuwaiti news report claiming a Hezbollah operative named Jameel Nasr had been arrested in Tijuana. Okay, first of all, who hasn't been arrested in Tijuana once or twice? But also, neither US nor Mexican officials have ever confirmed such an arrest took place, according to, of all places, Fox News.

So we were ready to eat a big helping of sauteed crow this afternoon when the news broke that the U.S. Accuses Iranians of Plotting to Kill Saudi Envoy!

Mr. Holder said the plot began with a meeting in Mexico in May, “the first of a series that would result in an international conspiracy by elements of the Iranian government” to pay $1.5 million to murder the ambassador on United States soil.

...Details offered by the Justice Department painted a picture of a dizzying international plot involving Mexican drug cartels, murder-for-hire and large sums of money being transferred from unknown locations.


Of course, what actually happened is exactly the opposite of a Mexico-Hezbollah axis, and the Paper of Record really needs to clean up its sloppy language, if only to appease the Lebanese-Mexican guy who owns 8% of the company.

According to the complaint, other conspirators based in Iran were aware of and approved the plan, which involved hiring men connected to a Mexican drug cartel to carry out the killing.

Yes, that was the plan. But according to the actual complaint [pdf], the plan bore no relation to reality because the "Mexican drug cartel" connection the Iranian was dealing with was in fact a DEA informant, who tipped the FBI off to the whole scheme.

Keep this in mind of the next few days (or a year or two from now when it comes up again) whenever you hear about Iran plotting to use Mexican drug cartel assassins to launch terror attacks in the US: the only "Mexican" involved was the guy who exposed the plot while on the US government's payroll.

Judging from the complaint, the cartel in question would appear to be the Zetas (which ABC News seems to have confirmed). The Zetas - excuse us, the TOTALLY AWESOME Zetas!! - are kinda ubiquitous around here. They're in the news every day, either because they killed a couple dozen people or a couple dozen of them got killed by the Army or another gang, or because they've branched out into some other criminal enterprise like extortion or bootleg DVDs. You need a Zeta? Hold on a minute, we'll go get you one. Shit, we probably talked to three or four today without even knowing it. Maybe that's where the spare cat went.

But Manssor Arbabsiar, (allegedly) on a mission from the Iranian government to hire a Zeta to kill the Saudi Ambassador to the US, goes deep into Zeta country looking for a Zeta, and walks right up to a DEA informant. Thank you, Mr. Arbabsiar, for reminding us all that "evil" and "genius" are a rare combination indeed.

Plus, seriously - it's a little too soon for these two countries to put the bad feelings behind them and conduct joint terrorist operations:

    Update: It would seem that as we were writing this, Mr. Slim put in a call to the NY Times copy desk, since much of the language we quote above has been modified.


JustaCanuck said...

THANK YOU for this awesome and hilarious clarification.

Mexbollah! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I think having the Middle Eastern terrorists collaborate with Mexican drug cartels is the wet dream of anyone in the US natinoal security machine. They wish indeed!

Lady Penelope said...

Looks to me like a "Wag the Dog" enterprise.

Mexmus a gogo said...

Eh why Mexbollah, why not Hezmex? Kind of sounds like hazmat. OK, somebody start a band and feature the robot voice + didgeridoo.

gimme some of that baklava enchilada


Anonymous said...

I hope somebody has warned Gov Perry that there be nonChristian MORMONS south of the border, what about them? Morbollah!!! Which way do they pray????