Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Dead Juan Pablo II 2011 "Hell on Wheels" Tour: Additional Dates Announced!

Because Mexicans loves them some dead pontiff blood, Gabriel Berumen, the man in charge of logistics (ie, the "head roadie") for the tour, has sent a letter to the Vatican asking if it would be okay to add a few dates up along the border zone (presumably safety isn't a concern, what with the pope being already dead and everything). The idea is to get him up as close to the frontera as possible so that "the Hispanics who have emigrated to our neighboring country will also have the opportunity to participate in this show of faith."

In other words, Berumen - who, we concede, probably understands Mexican devotion better than we do - thinks that Mexicans who have crossed into El Norte are willing - indeed, demanding! - to cross back south, evading the ICE, the physical hazards, the coyotes and the narcos, for the chance to gaze momentarily upon a life-size waxen effigy of the pope which houses inside itself a tiny vial of his blood - a much smaller quantity of blood than was contained in the actual pope during his five living visits to Mexico.  Again, we'll defer to the man's expertise here, but if that's true, it's extraordinary. 

We'd ask why they don't just drive the Fake-Popemobile over the border, but we suppose there's a bunch of reasons why hauling a bag of pope-blood into the American Deep South is a bad idea, even (or especially) at Christmastime. 

1 comment:

Crazy Rita said...

Oh, hell, no one from this side wants to cross the border this time of year, being the season of La Plaza Mall shopping by mass quantities of Mexicans. Sometimes the jockeying for a faster lane by playing bumper cars on the bridge is more dangerous than the cartel violence.