Thursday, December 20, 2012

Thus Sayeth The Lord

In keeping with the Catholic Church's longstanding tradition of asserting its dogmatic primacy over Mexican indigenous beliefs, the Diocese of Querétaro spokespadre, Saúl Ragoitia, held a press conference to issue the following statement: "No, the fucking world is not about to end, you ignorant fucks."

Okay, we're paraphrasing.  But Padre Ragoitia's so-called "proof" is that "people shouldn't worry about it because, during his life, Jesus never said anything about the end of the world."  We're not sure if that's actually true, but he does seem to be saying that Diocese's official position is that people need not worry about things Jesus never talked about.  So we're all cool on that abortion and gay marriage stuff now!

He also castigated those who would use the notion of an impending apocalypse to profit themselves or strike fear into others, which is just about the funniest, least self-aware thing we've ever heard an official representative of the Vatican say.

Anyway, don't be fooled.  To those who understand this stuff, Ragoitia offered coded assurances.  He speaks in the first-person plural, which in English is merely pretentious and annoying, but in Spanish - "nosotros vamos," "nosotros invitamos," "nosotros estamos" - clearly sounds like "Nostradamus."

The prophesy is correct.  Padre Ragoitia told us so.

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