Saturday, February 23, 2013

A Burro Hall Joint

And we're back.  The Man's insatiable thirst for public affairs documentaries has been slaked for the time being.  Raising Adam Lanza, produced by our Audio/Visual Division, aired on PBS earlier in the week, to near-universal acclaim. The New York Times called it "lame" and "dangerously speculative," while its left-coast cousin, the Los Angeles Times, raved, "it fails, of course."  The vast heartland in between saw it for what it was: a vast Zionist One-World conspiracy to Photoshop the Second Amendment out of existence.

Burro Hall Platinum subscribers can watch it for free right here:

If the story comes off as nuanced and even a tiny bit sympathetic, it's because The Monster of Sandy Hook turns out to be, well, family.

About 30 years ago, we were friends with a kid in our younger brother's class - let's call him B. Nice guy. His dad had been out of the picture for some time. He and his mom had a big black cat named Dweezil which, for reasons that have faded from memory over the years, they gave to our family when we were in high school.  Perhaps it was because they were moving away, or perhaps it was because he was a remorseless, cold-blooded murder machine, but as it happened, they did move away and eventually lost touch, while Dweezil remained in our house for about a decade -- during which time he basically denuded the entire neighborhood of squirrels, birds, and other small woodland creatures.  The effect on the Massachusetts ecosphere is still being debated in scientific journals. No joke: this cat once fought a raccoon to death.

Eventually, the cat would decide that the house two doors up the street from us was a better place to live, and so just walked over there and moved in.  We'd see him from time to time disemboweling a gopher in the middle of the street, but he never acknowledged us.  We assume him to be dead now.  Or perhaps fighting with the rebels in South Sudan.  Anyway, after the program aired, we got a note from B (now in his forties), whom we hadn't heard from in well over 20 years, saying he saw the broadcast and asking if we knew that Nancy Lanza, Adam's mother, was his cousin. Um... no, in fact we did not! We knew Adam's grandmother was from our town (we attended the same high school), but were unaware that she and B's father were siblings.

Which means that for most of the 1990s, we raised Adam Lanza's second-cousin's cat.

Wait til the one-world conspiracists get wind of that.

1 comment:

Crazy Rita said...

Like I said before, you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. Unless you're a Zion One-World conspiracy theorist.