Thursday, March 07, 2013

Great Moments in Sex Education

Enrique Correa Sada seems like a bright enough kid - lawyer, former head of the state youth agency "Pulso Joven," now a local PAN legislator and (here's the impressive part) head of the legislature's Health Committee. Yet somehow he seem to have only just discovered that fact that Querétaro is the teen pregnancy capital of the nation. (Regular readers of Burro Hall have been hearing this statistic for almost five years now.)  But don't worry, kids, the President of the Legislative Committee on Health is on it!

The president of the Comisión de Salud de la Cámara de Diputados, Enrique Correa Sada, said that it would be a good idea to extend the number of hours kids are in school with the objective that the kids won't be left with enough free time, and therefore won't get pregnant.

To be clear, Diputado Correa is not suggesting that kids actually be taught where babies come from or how take precautions so that they don't come from you.  He simply thinks that if we keep kids in school all day, they won't fuck as much.

The solution, he said, is not just handing out contraceptives, but making effective public policies, and one of those would be the extension of school schedules so that they coincide with the work schedules of the parents.  "That way, the attention and supervision of the parents is much closer.  An adolescent doesn't become pregnant in school, they become pregnant when they leave school..."

This is, of course, undeniably true. The number of teenagers who conceive in the classroom or while being observed by their parents is probably not zero, but negligible.

So the plan, as we see it, is to survey all the parents in the state, find out what hours they work, and then tailor their children's school day to match.  This would in many cases involve extending the school day by four or five or six hours, which we're sure the teachers union would have no problem with, and would probably only cost a few hundred million dollars extra per year.  Filling the time should be easy enough - mandatory singing of the National Anthem can simply be extended from two hours a day to seven.  As long as parents agree to pick up their kids, escort them home, and lock them in the house during nights, weekends, holidays, and any other time they're not not-fucking in school, this plan seems pretty foolproof.

No comments: